Cherry | K.TH

chapter thirty five

t a e t a e

I'm sorry Taehyung, but she doesn't deserve a guy like you. I don't want to hurt your feelings but you have to let her go, that's how a person should behave. Learn from their mistakes.

I wake up from what she's said. The first I see was a cup of tea on the table. The same tea that Y/n makes whenever I came over at her house. Then, just beside it I see the joints and pack of cigarettes that I had in my pockets.

Getting up, I touch my jacket's pockets and I realized they were the one on the table. God, I don't know what my mom is going to say after this. She doesn't even know that I do these stuff, she knows that I drink but doing this was new and recent.

She walks towards me with a weak smile. Sitting opposite of me, she sighs and stares at me. She claps her hand together and started sobbing again.

"Why don't you seek for help, Taehyung?" She asked, pointing at the joints in the table. "I've realized that I can't help you anymore and that someone else have too!"

"Mom, don't stress yourself, this is my problem and you already have more than enough," I said, avoiding her stare.

She grabs the joints and threw it on the floor as hard as she can. I flinched at the sound and looked at her. She started throwing and tearing everything. I swear that she almost threw the mug on the floor. This wasn't madness, I was so sure of it.

She forcefully sigh and held her tears back in. Cupping her mouth with her hand, she looks at me. She shrugs, not knowing what to do anymore.

"Tell me, Taehyung," She cries. "Why is it so hard to ask for help? Why do you keep everything to yourself? Ever since you were a kid, you were like that and now you're doing the same but this time you came here because of a girl, it was the last thing I could've think of. I want you to focus on yourself. Stop whatever you're doing with your friends and heal."

"I need her to heal myself, Mom!" I shouted as she stopped sniffling and stared at me, wide eyed. "She was the one who helped me to stop drinking, vaping or doing drugs. She cared and I, the usual fucking asshole who can't do anything right, hurt her. Do you know love, Mom? Guess what, I love her, more than anything. But there's this side of me who wants her back but at the same time, I don't because I don't want her to date a corrupted minded guy, like that asshole."

"Don't you dare compare yourself with him. You'll never be like him, I know it."

"What if I did?" I cried, dropping myself on my knees. "What if I hurt her with words or with my hands? What if I hurt my kids that only wanted love from their father but what he only did was to hurt them until they break? I don't want that to happen."

Crying was not my hobby or something I'll try to do because I was a man, men should never cry or show their emotion, that's what he said and that's what he always remind me.

This moment was the first time I cried this hard until I couldn't breath. I was scared, tired and mentally incapable to think. I was doing all sort of stuff to find some happiness which helped me all over these years. That's why drugs were my only friend.

Mom was such an angel. Instead of getting mad at me, she's just trying to find the best for me. She understands me, she always supports me. All I did was to hurt her and to push her away. What kind of son am I, to come back and seek for her help? I'm too late. Now I have to continue on my own. This is going to end even worse if she brings up some question that remind me of her and him.

She touches my shoulder as I shuddered. She wraps her arms around me and kissed my head. I tried to stop crying but I couldn't, when she hugs me, all I want to do was to cry.

"I love you, no matter how you are. I know you'll do the right thing, just don't keep quiet this time and speak like you did to me right now." She wipes my tears out of my eyes and I just gazed at her face. "Why don't you sleep here for tonight and go back tomorrow morning? I'll drop you off."

I smile, feeling like a kid. I loved when Mom brought me to school. We always walked and never took the car. When he did, he always took the car and just scolded me, or told me things not to do. But she always talked about what I liked or what I wanted to do.

"That sounds good, Mom," I whispered, putting my head on her lap as she caressed my hair softly.