I Still Miss You 💔. By A.ZChaudhry

Chapter 5

THREE MONTHS LATER

XANDROS

Three months had passed by and the following were my thoughts:-

1) I missed my family.

2) University was terrible.

University was hell hell obnoxiously terrible, especially the Business Department. Mr. Avery kept on rambling and rambling and rambling, knowing fully well that half of the students were blank but his work was being done. He was finishing his syllabus, could report back with huge success, was getting his paycheck, his life was going on perfectly. What else could he want? Sorry to say, but idiot.

Accounting and Finance, on the other hand, was my first ever girlfriend that I made. Beautiful, smooth and so fucking gorgeous. I could easily handle that and ace it like a champ which made me relax a little that atleast, I wasn't going downhill on everything. First half semester exams were only a week ahead and I was pissing myself at the thought of failing Business Administration.

It was Monday morning, kids were filing in the class and I, as usual, just stared ahead, sitting idly in my seat, saying nothing. I hadn't talked to anyone since three months, hadn't engaged with any groups, not gone to any frat parties nor given out my number to anyone to have a decent chat with during weekends. Many tried to talk to me but my response used to ever be so dry and rigid, that eventually people stopped trying. They stopped to even try to make a move on me knowing what my response would be and honestly? I was fucking glad. Very fucking glad to get these sick things out of my way once and for all. I had just lost appetite for relationships and didn't want to even talk to anyone.

I wanted to come here, take my classes, cuss a teacher out and leave. Bye. Nothing more, nothing less. Whoever had a problem with it? Seemed like a 'they' problem, not mine to even cater in the least of my concerns here.

I didn't talk much, didn't participate during classes, avoided group meetings and usually avoided group projects as well as they included 'talking.' And recently, I had just hated talking after dad passed away as well. I was better off alone, without anyone, aloof with my own thoughts. The last seat of the second row was always mine and no one took it, knowing the 'quiet-boy' would take it. It was my nickname. 'The quiet boy.'

The bell rang and almost immediately, Mr. Avery came inside, the chattering dying down, everybody ready to listen to another two hour long drill of his boring voice. Some kids were always excited to attend his class but they were the ones who knew Business, who understood it and could criticize it in a healthy way. Not retards like me.

He set his suitcase down and looked at all of us, catching my eye and giving me a disapproving look. He hated kids who did not participate and I was too broken to give a shit right now. I knew it was a bad thing to be in the black list in literally the first month of uni, but I was too tired and burdened right now to try my best to do fake acting and get people to love me. That was not me. I showed my true colours to people, no matter how charcoal black they were. You like it? Stay. You don't like it? Leave. As simple as that.

I just lost my entire family within a span of a year and half and couldn't fake smile and fake laugh to make people like me when my insides were shrivelling to pieces. My fake-play wouldn't affect outsiders but it sure as hell would affect me. And this time, I didn't have dad to hold me right. He was no more.

He started, "Good morning class and I hope you had a great weekend. Exams are just a week away and I expect everyone to do good. And by everyone, I mean everyone." He eyed some of the weak students in the class, including me when I gave no response. Just like Toby in the last few days of his life, I had been unresponsive lately. Didn't talk much, didn't eat much, didn't react much. At home as well as school. I mean...... there was no one at home to talk to anyways. It had been empty since three months, apart from my lone footsteps a few times in a day.