I Still Miss You 💔. By A.ZChaudhry

Chapter 42

XANDROS

I was shook back to reality when I continued, "I always dreamt of being a cardiac surgeon but look at me now, angel. I'm a fucking accountant."

"A chartered accountant. And no where is that a shit job, no where is that a very easy degree to excel in." She cupped my face and looked at me when I wrapped my legs around her and pulled her closer to me as she placed her forehead over mine, "Xandros, honey, many less people are able to excel in CA. And you did it, you secured a second position in the whole of the continent, what the fuck are you talking about? Owen still cries when I wash his watermelon underwear because he wanted to sleep in it, you achieved so much more than lying on a floor and wailing about the underwear I washed."

I chuckled amid sobs when her face softened and that's what I hated. Pity. Feeling sorry for my state when I hated being looked down upon like a lost dog. A puppy who was abandoned by its mother.

"I lost my family, I lost my little brother and none of them got to see me struggle through uni, no one got to see me graduate from there, propose to my girl and then finally marry her. I-" I looked into her eyes and sighed, "I still haven't managed to give you a baby-"

"Which isn't your fault. Both of our reports were perfect."

"I don't know. Somehow, I feel it's me, maybe because of the excessive alcohol I had or maybe the cigarettes or maybe even because of the burrito I had because I remember feeling sick and it must have affected my sperm count and-"

She chuckled and kissed my chin, "Oh shut up, you. It's nothing of that sort. Stop blaming yourself for the things that aren't in your control and are never your fault."

We both were silent, taking this in when I whispered, "I had so many different aims for my life many years ago. I saw myself at a hospital, looking after patients, performing complex surgeries and treating patients....... Saving the world. And now....... I achieved nothing that I had envisioned. Everything changed, everything took a turn and a turn which I wasn't ready for. A path which I had never seen before."

I flipped us around till Ava was lying underneath me as I was on top of her when I ran my nose along her jawline and kissed it, "Everything changed for me, Ava."

"Are you not happy with your job?"

"I am, baby, I very much am. But that thought still nags me that I wish I had done medical, I wish I would have sucked it up, taken some anti-depressants and gone down that road."

She rubbed my chin, "Why did you leave it in the first place?"

"Mental health. Toby and mum were no more, I was barely trying to pass college and dad was pretty sick. The way my mental health took a fucking turn, it was becoming impossible for me to even breathe. I wasn't living, I was surviving. And medical studies are hell tough, you need to concentrate 24/7, work your ass off and keep on working till you can land yourself a nice housejob, then plabs and so much more."

I sighed and rested my forehead against hers, my eyes closing, "I was too tired, Avie. I couldn't. I knew that my brain would never have the strength to cope up with such losses partnered with dad's deteriorating health and I didn't want to suffer education wise as well. I knew that if I chose to go down that road? I would cry my eyes out all those four years, I would cuss myself, I would throw books against the wall and still get no work done.

I could sit and try to focus only for my mind to get distracted again, for the pain to kick in again and again..... get no positive result out of it." I gave a pause when I sighed and nuzzled my face in my wife's neck and kissed it, "I lost the battle when it came to my passion, my dreams and my goals. I fought to come at this place for thirteen years only to chicken out at the last minute, just because I was mentally exhausted and was struggling."

I opened my eyes and raised my forehead to look at her when she whispered, "If you would have gone there, we would have never met."

"You and I, are meant to be. If given a thousand tries, a thousand lives, a thousand opportunities in whatever dimensions of this world, be it also giving a try to the parallel universe?" I kissed her chin, her lips, her nose, then her closed eyelids one by one followed by a kiss over her forehead when I looked into the mesmerizingly green of her eyes as I whispered, knowing instantly that it was the truth, "I would end up at your doorstep with a bouquet of roses, lillies and tulips in my hands, with myself down onto one knee and a sparkling diamond ring in front of me, asking for your hand in marriage. You, Ava, my babygirl, are meant to be only mine."

Her eyes watered when I rubbed my nose with hers and chuckled, "And besides, we did meet at the coffee shop where I took your order."

Her eyes widened and she gasped, "Oh yes yes yes, we certainly would have met and-" her eyes again widened, when what I didn't expect was my wife, Mrs. Ava Davidson, to spank me on my ass, "Medical duties wouldn't have let you do another job and meet me."

I smiled, "If we're meant to be....... we're meant to be."

She sighed and a soft smile appeared over her face when I also sighed, "Godddd, I feel better."

She and I, both chuckled when I rolled onto my back. Ava draped a leg over my legs and placed her arms over my chest, "Sometimes God changes our paths deliberately because He knows what we don't know. Maybe medical wasn't the best profession for you, maybe you would have suffered more, maybe you and I could never have gotten any time together. Maybe...... I mean, there are so many maybe's here.

I am glad that at least you landed a decent job, are earning a handsome six figure salary, are being able to give me and Owen time." She sat on top of me and held my face, "Sometimes........ you have to let go."

My congested heart somehow felt light hearing these words. Yes, it was brutal, but not anymore because I knew this was right. She was right.

"Not every book has 100% positive reviews, not every time you flip a coin, it lands on heads. So baby, sometimes....... you have to let go. I know you wanted to go down that road, but maybe that was not good for you, maybe that was too bad and harmful for you. Trusting God is the first thing that will help our lives get better and just trust him in this process."

I nodded and placed my hands over hers which were on my cheek, "I have. Just, sometimes these flashes hurt."

She smiled and nodded, "I know, baby. I know, but it's okay." She wiggled her eyebrows at me when I raised a brow. This was always an indication that she was about to either make a very bad joke or a-

"You got my sexy ass body in exchange of medical, hmm hmm hmmmmmm heheheheh."-a sex joke.

I chuckled and nodded, pulling her body into mine as she laid again, her body moulding into mine when I kissed her head and whispered, "I love you, Avie."

She sighed and kissed my chest, "I love you even more, handsome. Just give yourself some rest, give yourself an edge and a margin for being a human. You deserve it."

She was rubbing my chest when I sighed, still feeling that little sting in my heart when I rubbed my forehead, "Yeah."

We stayed there for a few more hours with her consoling me and it was honestly the best therapy session I ever had.

And obviously....... the sex that followed.

Hehe.

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A.ZChaudhry

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