I Still Miss You 💔. By A.ZChaudhry

Chapter 19

XANDROS

We were at my place, sitting on the bed in my room when Ava refused to talk to me. Her head was bent low and she wasn't talking to me, replying to me or responding to any of my questions or pleas. It was almost as if I had ruined one of the best opportunities for her which she had been willing to achieve since months. I even offered to get her her favourite doughnuts or burger or anything, but she didn't even look up at me once.

I held her hands and looked at her tilting my head a bit low, "Ava, baby, talk to me. Why aren't you talking to me?"

She was silent when I scooted closer towards her, "I don't know one thing about how to handle a person in shock and I think you are experiencing that, but please just respond to me so that I know you are here with me. Say anything, absolutely anything and I wouldn't mind."

She sniffled when I kissed her cheek, "Darling-"

She whispered, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

I was silent for a few seconds when I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know."

She turned her face to look at me when her eyes filled with tears and her chin quivered when she whispered, her voice breaking every so often, "It was hurting you all along. Whenever I was talking about them like this, it was fucking hurting you and you never said a single thing to me, Xandros."

"I don't know why."

She hit my shoulder, specks of anger swirling in her eyes, "What do you mean, 'you don't know?' Was it fun hearing about them in present tense, knowing that they were dead?"

"Av-"

She hit my shoulder again, "No, tell me. Was it fun?"

"Ava, my love-"

She hit my shoulder again, "YOU ENJOYED ALL OF THAT?"

"YESSSSS. YES, I DID."

There was silence as shock plastered across her face and she was contemplating if I was mental or not. I looked down at my hands when I nodded and whispered, "Yes, yes and a fucking yes, A.V. For some part of the time, it made me feel that they were here, it made me feel that we were a family again, that I'll come home and get to meet all of them again and that feeling was indescribable and so fucking joyful." I looked at her and whispered, "I enjoyed that feeling, baby. The feeling that they are alive and here. I have been craving that since so long, to a point where I can't even fool myself into creating a fake scenario and enjoying it because truth be told? I never had that type of energy.

But when someone else talks about them this way? You? I love it. Someone else? It just annoys me as I hate their presence, Ava."

She had a sympathetic expression on her face when she looped her fingers through mine and held my hand, "But Xos, it used to pain you when you used to come home, right?"

I nodded.

"Then why did you still listen, knowing that you will be more in pain in the night?"

I smiled as a streak of tear cascaded down my cheek when I whispered, "Those were only the few moments where I didn't feel pain. The rest of the whole day despite someone mentioning them or not? It was nothing but pain. I have to go through it each night, a few with an octave higher wouldn't hurt, at least those few minutes where I thought that they were alive, calmed me down."

*

We ended up having burgers with drinks at my own home. We both decided to skip uni tomorrow as we were both so drained out. So rushing to her house to get her night supplies, she told her mom that she was having a sleepover with her friends and instead came to my house. Making sure the doors and windows were locked, especially of my room, I got under the covers with her when she placed her head in the crook of my neck and half lied on top of me. I curled my arms around her, pulling her further into my embrace when inhaling the beautiful scent of strawberries in her hair from the shampoo she used and having her in my arms, I slept peacefully.