That Summer Feeling: SUMMER 4EVER [H.S.]

45. Boyfriends

Harry: I need you

I need to touch you

And taste you

It's been too long, petal

My hands tighten over my phone, immediately setting it face down on the table. My mouth is dry and my cheeks feel warm when I look around the room as if everyone can look over my shoulder and see his messages.

you're annoying, I quickly text back and quietly huff in my chair. He knows I'm in public, he knows what he's doing.

:)
Just say the word and I'll come get you

i wish but i have to do this

You don't haaaaave to

unfortunately i do :/

Is he still not there yet?
Or are you ignoring him and only talking to me? If so, please continue

hahaha not yet

I sigh as I look around the room. The sun is piercing softly into the shaded windows on one side. The strong smell of coffee hugs me in a comforting way and the soft chattering my old boss is making with the usual customers makes me smile. Nothing's changed around the coffee shop it seems. I like that it hasn't.

Eli and I are supposed to meet up today. I showed up twenty minutes early so I can catch up with Melinda about our summers. Talking with her again felt like being indoors sipping on a hot drink while it was pouring rain. After we did, I got my usual order and sat down by the table nearest to the exit in case I want to make a run for it. I didn't want to be here and talk to him but I know I have to so I can get closure and move on.

I need to move on from the pain he's caused me and find some sort of way to forgive so it doesn't affect my relationship with myself and others, especially with Harry. I would have never even considered forgiveness if it wasn't for the insightful talk I had with my parents last night.

"Should I forgive him?"

"Forgiveness is a choice," my mom told me as she brushed a strand of my hair back. "You can choose to forgive Eli. It doesn't mean what he did is okay or you're excusing it. It means you're choosing your own peace and taking another step towards healing."

"It's your choice," Cam says, "If you can't forgive yet, then let go. Don't live in the anger."

"But what if I don't feel like forgiving him now? Or ever? I'm still angry, I still can't understand why he hurt me. It doesn't seem forgivable to me."

"It's tough to accept but we may never fully understand why people hurt us the way they do. And you don't have to forgive today or tomorrow. You can forgive a week from now but choose to take it back next month. There are no rules to your emotions."

"Don't carry that resentment and pain and guilt for his own mistakes, Lace," my mom said. "Don't blame yourself either. It's up to you to choose but don't forget forgiveness is a strength."

I wanna stop hurting myself trying to understand why he did what he did. I want to stop questioning if he ever really loved me the way you're supposed to love someone or why he's not the person I thought he was. I'm hopeful that this talk will help me feel better about my choice to forgive him. If it isn't, I know where the exit is.