In the end, its Him & I

32. Valentino BBQ

It was 3 in the morning when I woke up out of my sleep. I peeled Grey's arms from around me and sat up in bed.

I rested my head back against the headboard and ran my hand through his hair soft enough not to wake him.

Taking deep breaths, I closed my eyes as I tried to go back to sleep. I hummed softly to myself and twisted and turned as I tried to get comfortable. We had a long day ahead of us with his family coming over for a barbeque and I couldn't afford to lose any sleep.

I lay on my side and admired the man in front of me. My man. I couldn't remember a time I didn't love him, a time where I didn't crave his attention, the brush of his finger against my cheek.

What wouldn't I do to give him a baby? To raise a child together and smother them with our love.

I flipped onto my back and dropped my arms to the sides of my body, casket style.

I huffed and ripped the blanket off of me as I sat up and placed my feet on the ground. Opening my nightstand drawer, I took out the pills for insomnia I'd asked one of the maids to get me earlier today.

It was three days after the charity ball, and I was struggling to sleep more and more. I didn't sleep more than 2 hours each night and it was becoming overbearing. I'd had so much time on my hands, that I was almost done with everything for the wedding.

I didn't dare tell anyone how I was genuinely feeling inside. Instead, I kept a smile on my face and made sure to turn up the music as I cried on the bathroom floor.

Grey knew something was bothering me, but he didn't ask. Just assured me that he was here for me.

I needed to talk to him but how could I?

How do I tell him I'm upset because of our predicament and there's nothing we could do about it? It was final, I wouldn't be able to carry my own children.

For the first time in a long time, I had no clue what to do or how to make myself feel better.

Was there anything that could make me feel better?

I didn't think so but if there is I'd give all of my money in a heartbeat to have it.

Opening the pill bottle, I took one out and popped it into my mouth before pouring myself a glass of water from the carafe on the nightstand. I swallowed and rolled my shoulders back taking a deep breath.

As I walked over to the french glass doors in our bedroom, I prayed no one would see me as I didn't have on anything but a cropped tank top and a thong.

I opened the doors and the cool night dew swept across my body making me even more alert than I'd like to be.

I stepped onto the cold balcony floor and goosebumps filled my body, but I kept going until I reached the railing.

I crossed my arms and rested them on the railing.

Looking out into the distance I smiled at the memory that flooded my mind as I saw the yacht Grey took me on the night he'd proposed.

Tears rolled down my face and I closed my eyes as I dropped my head and listened to the water from the waterfall running into the pool. I clutched the pendant on my necklace and whispered, "I love him so much," with a small smile.

"He loves you so much more," Grey said, and I looked at him over my shoulder. My favorite blanket hung over his forearm as he stood in the doorway.

His sweatpants hung low at his hips showing his prominent V-line as his toned abs glistened under the moonlight.