My Russian Teacher // Sequel

chapter ten

Y/N:
When mom and I walked back in the door, I noticed Fanny was playing with Otis and I could smell Mac and Cheese, so I presumed that Yelena had let herself in.

"Yelena?" Mom questions, walking through to the kitchen. "Hi!" She smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"Aw it's nice to see you too сестра," She teases. "You could of told me you were coming, I would've gotten enough to eat for the three of us," Mom explains. "Well, I made macaroni," She shrugs. "Do you want some?"
"No, I literally just told you I picked up dinner," She rolls her eyes. "Not in those exact words you didn't-"

"Hi Yelena," I chime in, knowing that if I don't they will probably start bickering. "Hello child," She enthuses, giving me a hug. "How's college, how's MJ?"

Okay, so clearly mom hasn't told her about that. An apologetic looks washes over her face.

"Well uh, college is finished for the year now, and um, MJ and I broke up," I explain hesitantly. "Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry," She frowns.

I go to tell her that it's fine, but before I can, she starts scolding mom. "Natasha! Why didn't you say anything?"

"I forgot, I'm sorry. Besides, I didn't know if it was my place to say anything," Mom shrugs. I smile at her thankfully.

"Are you okay?" She questions. I just shrug in response, because the truth is I don't really know how I'm doing. It feels like a part of me is missing in a way, but there's another part of me that feels like a big weight has been lifted off my chest. All I know for sure is that I'm really hurting. Like a lot.

Yelena frowns before going into the pantry and and taking out a bottle of vodka.

"Wanna drink?" She offers. "I don't really think that's going to fix anything, but sure," I shrug.
Mom rolls her eyes half jokingly, half seriously.

"Natasha, you want one?"

"No, I'm good."

Yelena nods and gets out two shot glasses. Mom starts taking out the dinner from the bags and serving it up.

Once the shots are poured, we click the glasses together and drink the vodka.  

Mom looks at me with a judgemental expression. "What?" I raise my eyebrows. "You took that way too easily," She quirks an eyebrow and smirks. "I've been in college for two years. What do expect?" I laugh. "Besides, in most countries I would've been able to legally drink two years ago," I shrug, pouring myself another shot and taking it.

As Yelena goes to pour us a third, mom snatches the bottle from her. "I think that's enough," She glares at Yelena. "What? No," Yelena pouts.

"If you want more, go buy yourself some. This is mine," She says sternly, putting the vodka away.

Mom passed me my plate of food and the three of us walked into the dining room to eat - Yelena having her Mac and Cheese with hot sauce of course.

"So, what have you been up to?" Mom asks. "Not much at all really," She shrugs. "I was close by visiting a friend and just thought I'd come by and see my family too," She smiles, tickling behind me ear, making me laugh.

"Which friend?" Mom questions. "Kate. I don't think you know her?"

"Huh that's funny, I met a Kate earlier tonight," I point out. "She had a dog named Pizza," I continue.

"Black hair, kinda tall?" Yelena questions and I nod. "Yeah? Her full name was Kate Bishop I think."
"Oh so I guess you do know Kate," She smiles. "You two would get along. You're around the same age."

"I don't know," I laugh. "Why not?"
"Because I turned her down," I speak hesitantly, taking a bite of my food. "She asked you out?" Yelena says, surprised. "Well no, she asked for my number," I confirm. "It's only been a week since MJ and I broke up, so I said no."
Yelena nods in understanding with a small smile.

Throughout the rest of dinner Yelena and mom mostly talked. My mind was preoccupied with a lot of things. I think mom noticed that I had completely zoned out because I could feel her glancing at me every now and then. She didn't say anything though until Yelena had left to go to the bathroom.

"Sweetheart, you okay?" She frowns. "Yeah, I'm just tired. I think I might head to bed soon," I admit. "Okay," She nods. "You sure that's it?"

"Yeah," I smile lightly. "Okay. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" She assures me. "I know."

~

Half an hour later, it's was only nine o'clock, but I was exhausted so I said goodnight to Yelena and mom before getting into my pyjamas and going to bed.

I stared at the ceiling for probably three hours, trying to get to sleep.

At some point I heard Yelena leave and mom go to bed. I was tempted to go ask her if she could sleep with me in my bed tonight, but I didn't want to bother her anymore than I already have.

It was just after midnight when I decided I was thirsty and got up to get a glass of water before going back to bed.

For the next four hours, I tossed and turned as I tried to get comfortable and get to sleep, but it seemed impossible that I was going to get any form of sleep tonight.

My mind has been racing all night and no matter how hard I've tried to push the thoughts and temptation away, I can't.

I had my hands covering my mouth as I sob, trying not to wake my mom up. Everything is too much and I feel like there's only one way for my mind to stop driving me insane.

I made my way back into the kitchen and looked through the drawers to find a pocket knife - knowing that mom has already hidden all the razors.

When I found it, I took it into my bathroom and shut the door behind me.

I rolled up my sleeves and stared at the pocket knife for a moment before I hesitantly pressed the sharp metal end against my skin.

With each cut, my mind got quieter until suddenly the only thing I was focused on was the blood that was dripping from my wrists and onto the bathroom tiles.

Once the bleeding stopped, I washed the pocket knife and hid it under my sink and then began cleaning up my arms and the floor before I went back to bed.

This time I was finally able to sleep.

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A/N: hi! how is everyone?
I mostly have this book planned out already, but if there's anything in particular you want let me know >>>

today has been one of those days we're I literally crying at everything and now I'm so tired ahah