Insecurity

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{(A/N) this one's gonna be a little upsetting just because of self doubt, not really fluff and certainly not smut, just a way for me to cope with what's happening rn, so it's basically a journal turned into a chapter so you're welcome XD}


Mark's POV

I lay in my bed, thinking.  I feel like no matter what I do I always fuck everything up.  I begin to tear up when I hear Jack open the door.  His eyes land on me and he immediately comes over to me and sits on the bed next to me.

"Hey hun what's wrong?" he asks in a worried tone.

"I don't know, I've just been feeling like I fuck everything up.  Like I feel like I never do anything right."

"What's making you feel like that?" he asks.

"I don't even know, I mean I guess some of it is the comments pointing out when I mess up in games and stuff, plus I just feel like I let everyone down.  Like I feel like I make everything worse than when I started.

"No hun you don't," he tries to reassure me.

"But I do, in the last video I posted I covered the in-game captions, and the one before that I cut the outro short.  I know I mess shit up and people know that.  They always point it out.  It makes me feel stupid even though I know I'm not."  Tears stream down my face uncontrollably.  Jack then lifts an arm to my shoulder to soothingly rub it.

"Everyone messes up sometimes, it doesn't make you a bad person or anything," he says, beginning to tear up.

"I'm just scared that one day no one will watch me anymore and I won't have anything.  I mean, it's my job, it's how I live.  If I don't have YouTube I don't have anything and that's a lot of pressure, you know?" He nods his head.  "I just hate all the pressure.  Every single day I have to do everything right or people will notice.  Every single day I have to do my best and that's exhausting.  I can't have a bad day, not even one," I say, then beginning to sob.  Jack leans over to hug me as he cries with me.

"Don't let people get to you, you're perfect to me.  Just because you make some mistakes doesn't mean people will stop watching you.  And if for some reason something happens, we'll figure something out.  I'll always be right beside you to help you, no matter what, ok?" I nod my head as I sniffle.  Jack climbs over top of me, making me giggle.  He gets under the covers with me and snuggles up next to me.  "I promise everything's gonna be ok."

"I love you, thank you," I say, turning over to look at him.

"Of course hun, I'm always here for you."  I lean in and give him a small kiss.  What would I do without him?



{(A/N) I feel better now, I just needed an outlet.  I even feel like this was terribly made and that I fucked this up but I'll get over it.  I just have a lot of guilt for fucking up so much at work I needed to get it out in a way that was productive, so thanks for reading <3}

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