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mosi
my leg bounced up and down as i stared at makena on the hospital bed, how badly i wanted to knock her head off her shoulders didn't make sense.
this is the second time she's nearly died because of drugs...i know everyone says addicts will get better when they're ready...
but it's like she doesn't want to..you would think what made her not be in her child's life..she would leave it alone but no.
i looked over jahzara, she was holding a stuffed teddy bear that makena and i bought her.
she was picking at its fur and was staring at the ceiling since she was laying down on the couch with her feet in my lap.
"mosi..." my eyes instantly snapped to makena.
her eyes were now opened and her voice came out raspy,"i should fuckin kill you myself." i snapped and her face scrunched up.
"why-"
"makena this is the second time i've damn near lost you cause yo ass wanna take pills and shit! we've done rehab and i've told you come to me! hell come to us! and you don't fuckin listen." i said i as kept eye contact with her.
"makena this shit ain't gonna end well it ain't gonna do nun but kill you." i added on as a tear slid down her face but she quickly wiped it.
if i'm being completely honest...it was like my feelings for her were starting to fade but i hate to admit it-
from the time we had a relationship she could never truly communicate or did small slick shit and tried to play it off...and it's like she's doing the same all over again.
she had a whole child which she was a deadbeat mother to and didn't even tell us, she was entertaining her ex and didn't see it being such a huge deal...and now she's overdosed again.
i felt jahzara move her feet, she got up and went to makena's side and started talking to her.
"i love you...i really do but i don't wanna sit here and watch you kill yo self makena...i just can't." jahzara said and i heard her sniffle.
"i- i can understand jahzara...i don't even b-blame you." makena said softly as jahzara leaned down to hug her.
jahzara instantly started sobbing while makena hugged her,"you fuckin sc- scared me..." jahzara said inbetween sobs.
i felt my eyes water cause i knew exactly how jahzara felt, the very first time i saw makena overdose it was like my world came crashing down...it was like i couldn't breathe.
i couldn't go through all that a third time..
"OH MY GOD! BABY-" i heard then the voice stopped when her eyes landed on us.
oh you've gotta be kidding me...
"umm...bad timing..." a girl said as she started to head back for the door.
