Accolade

chapitre quatorze

I rested between consciousness. 

I wasn't sure what had initially woke me, as I wasn't crying. My mind was senseless. I knew that I was warm and a firm presence was wrapped around me, holding me close. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes nor move a muscle. It wasn't until I heard soft footsteps next to the bed that I realized someone else was here.  

I didn't know how late it was.

"How is she?" River's calm and quiet voice was soothing as he tried not to wake me. He just had that gentle quality, and it brought immense relief in times where I felt overwhelmed. He was the guardian angel version of an older brother.

Auden gently exhaled, and I heard his voice clearer because my head was laid across the left side of his chest. I had remained curled into him. "She's not okay," there was a pause, "She's... going to really struggle." 

"Do you know what happened?" 

"I knew something wasn't right this morning, I wish I had just trusted my gut instinct. She was overly happy when I first saw her." 

"That's odd, she was so tired yesterday." 

"Exactly. She asked to go to the studio and then she came back out a completely different person so I assume something bad happened. She wouldn't talk about it. She just admitted that she took her painkillers, and I think she didn't realize the effects. Especially this early."

"It will be an adjustment period, we need to pay close attention. I know that she's going to try and be strong for us, but she doesn't need to be. We have to make sure she knows we're here for her, no matter what."

"My heart just hurts for her, Riv, I hate all of this." 

Riv... I hadn't known they had nicknames for each other. 

"I hate it, too. The best thing we can do for her right now is be strong and keep encouraging her. This will be hard for all of us but I'm afraid we can't take away her pain. We can only help." 

Auden was quiet for a long moment. "I'm really worried. She told me she doesn't want to get addicted to the painkillers. What if she's right? If she can't stop taking them?" 

"You told her the truth, they are meant to help her. That doesn't mean she won't get better."

"I know," Auden hummed softly, "If I could take all of this and bear it for her, I would. She doesn't deserve what's happening, it must feel so cruel of the world."

"You've always been so good to her." 

There were no words after that. They fell into a spell of silence. I felt Auden move his head, and rested his chin on top of my head. He pressed a little kiss against the crown of my head and then tightened his arms around me. I was still groggy, though I had listened tp them as they quietly conversed. My mind wasn't completely aware that there hadn't just been two presences in the room. 

Another set of footsteps had intitially arrived, he had just stopped at the door and he listened to everything.

There had been three older brothers concerned for their little sister. 

If only she didn't have cancer. 

☼ ☼ ☼

Two days later, I experienced different symptoms. 

I would get dizzy from time to time, as if vertigo was settling into my lifestyle. My head would spin and I would get breathless and then my pulse would race. At first, I had thought it was because I wasn't working out. None of the activities I used to do were keeping my body in top shape. I didn't run in the mornings, I wasn't dancing, and my body had just gone through a round of chemotherapy. Most of the time, I was sleeping.