Accolade

chapitre dix-neuf

Time flies when your life is falling apart.

It was the next morning when I joined River and Auden for breakfast. I noticed Warren tended to enjoy his mornings alone, and he would only come for a cup of coffee in the early hours. I knew he was awake but respected his way of life. We all had preferences. Auden, on the other hand, was sociable from the moment he opened his eyes. 

I wouldn't be surprised if someone woke him and the first thing he would do is smile. I certainly didn't have that quality. I needed my tea to awaken my sociability, and I knew plenty of people who needed coffee to keep them from biting people's heads off in the morning. However, I had been living on my own for three years, so it was an adjustment to have my brothers here. 

Truth be told, I enjoyed their presence. 

River had cooked breakfast for us this morning while Auden and I played rock-paper-scissors for the last bagel in the cabinet. I would need to go grocery shopping soon, or ask Lucy to bring me some groceries. I doubted my brothers would go out. I won the bagel and Auden whined the whole time. 

The three of us lazily moved to my living room. Auden and I occupied the couch and River took the armchair. Somewhere in the midst of us settling, the television was turned on. 

I liked relaxing with them. We didn't always talk and the silence wasn't uncomfortable. We just existed within each other's company with the familiarity of how we used to. I found it quite ironic that sometimes the closest siblings could grow apart and the distant siblings could grow closer, our habits and affections fluctuating with the years that came.

The television was on but I hardly paid mind to it. I was too focused on the soothing sensation of Auden's fingers untangling my hair. I hadn't asked him to do it. I hadn't even laid my head against his thigh like I was now, he had invited me. I was practically melting from the physical affection because it had been so long without it. Auden had always been affectionate and I had missed it. 

I knew not all brothers were like Auden, and I would protect him at all costs. 

There was no room for toxic masculinity in the world. 

Suddenly, I heard a commercial on the television that caused me to hone into what the person was saying. My eyes flickered to the screen. 

I gasped and sat upright. Auden's fingers quickly left my hair so I didn't rip strands out. "Broadway is tonight!" 

Auden stared at me with a furrowed brow. "Did you forget or something? It's been on every broadcast in the area, even billboards. Hell, you are familiar with the industry." 

"No, well, yeah," I admitted. There had been other things on my mind lately. I pushed my hair away from my face, and then a grand idea hit me. "Wait, can we all go?" 

River must have been reading something from my expression that I didn't realize I was projecting because he shook his head. "Aida, I'm not sure this is a good idea," He began quietly, unnervingly soft, "You've just been trying to adjust and that would..." He trailed off. 

"Would what?" 

His jaw set, those eyes seeing right through me. "You know what I'm trying to say, and you know that there's a chance I'm right. Don't think you can pretend to be naive and I'll deliver the fatal blow. I can admit your deepest fears to you but you have to admit them to yourself." 

"I'm not afraid." 

"Yes, you are. It's all over your face." 

"No, you're wrong."