Accolade

chapitre trente-huit

warren's pov

Two days passed. 

I wasn't really keeping track of anything. I barely slept, barely ate. Dr. Welch came in and threatened to have us admitted if we didn't take care of ourselves. I think it was cruel of him to ask us to care for ourselves when we couldn't care for our little sister. 

After Auden had snapped and lost a little bit of his sanity, he started talking to her. They had told us she would be able to hear us. I couldn't manage to speak a word. It felt wrong to talk to her when she couldn't respond. I already missed her voice. 

I wished I hadn't been so mean to her. 

"Hey, little Aida, it's me." Auden started talking quietly, close to her. He held her hand but she couldn't hold his in return anymore. 

"I understand," Auden whispered, "I understand that you've fought your battle. I know you're exhausted, and it's selfish of me to ask you to keep hanging on. Little Aida..." His voice cracked and he paused for a second, "It's gonna be okay. You've won your battle in my eyes, your body has weathered this storm for too long, and you deserve a painless victory in eternity. You deserve everything the universe can give you. Even the stars will honor you."

I couldn't bear to see his tears so I turned my head to the side. My lungs seemed to constrict and I struggled to breathe. This was his acceptance. His breakdown had led to clarity. 

"It's okay, love, you can let go now. I'll always love you."

I bit my tongue. Perhaps he was ready to say his final piece but I was not. I never would be. If she was as stubborn as I was, she was going to pull through. She would open her eyes again. 

Silence passed on. 

Hours went by. People came and went without many words at all. 

She seemed stable.

Until she wasn't. 

It was almost ten p.m on the third day when, suddenly, one of the machines monitoring her started blaring an alarm. None of us knew what it meant. A red bar was flashing. For one breath of a second, I saw the horror in my older brothers eyes. Did this mean...

And then there was chaos. 

Doctors and nurses flooded the room. Overhead, someone paged a code blue. More people came. A crash cart was rolled into the room. They began chest compressions. I watched in stunned horror as her chest nearly caved beneath their weight. Her chest recoiled and then nothing. Breathes were pushed into her lungs but her body didn't take the air. 

Her heart didn't beat.

I spun on Auden. "You told her... you said it was okay and it wasn't."

His face was white. "I...I---"

"Why would you tell her that? Do you want this?" 

"That's enough," River said, stepping between us, "Don't lose your head now." 

"Oh, it's not my head that I'm losing," I snapped, bitterly. 

I turned away from them. 

But I wasn't... here. 

How could I be? 

That straight line on the monitor didn't change. It went on and on and on.

There were several whirring noises, they shocked her. The recoil of her muscles was the only thing that moved. Again and again and again. It should have made her heart beat. It had to... right?