Accolade

chapitre onze

Today was the day I started chemotherapy. 

I had slept surprisingly well last night after River had taken the time to console me, and helped me understand that we were all new to this. Nobody has experience with cancer. Nobody ever expects to have it. There was always an art of surprise in life, and just as there was, everything has two sides. Ying and Yang, if you will. 

I was woken by footsteps heading through my apartment and I had caught River and Auden on their way out. They apologized for waking me and informed me they planned to find a good place to buy brunch, since it was later in the morning, and they would be back. 

I offered to tell them the best places, and they politely declined. Something about the adventure. I could imagine that Auden was very cultured and he had eaten food that cost more than my entire apartment. 

Fifteen minutes after that, my doorbell rang. 

I figured it was them and they had forgotten something. Except it wasn't.

When I opened my door, I froze.

The person standing at my door had two lattes in her hands and I definitely wasn't expecting to see her today. She usually showed up unannounced but I always had a little hint before her arrival. Either a text containing a question, as she often brought food, or an emoji that would be suggestive if she were texting a guy. Our friendship had no boundaries.

"Lucy!" I cried out, my mood lifting instantly. 

"Surprise!" She grinned, and stepped into my apartment, "I thought you'd enjoy a little coffee date. Normally, I'd ask you out, but you know. It's calmer in here anyway." 

She set down the lattes on the little stand by my front door, where I typically tossed my keys, and then I had my arms thrown around her. My emotions won out. 

I hugged her so tightly, I feared she would complain but she squeezed back. She seemed to understand that I needed to comfort a hug brought, and I had missed seeing her every day at practice. There were so many changes in my life that I felt lost. It was like being thrown into the ocean without a lifejacket and told to swim to shore when only water surrounded me. 

"How've you been, Aida?" She whispered into my hair, refusing to let go. "I saw you went to Central Park... I wish they would leave you alone." 

"It's been... difficult," I admitted truthfully, "I don't know how to handle this, I feel like I've just been pretending. I have to start chemo this afternoon, and I'm really scared." 

She pulled back, hands resting on my shoulders. Emotion glittered in her green eyes. "You're the strongest person I know, Aida, believe me. You're going to make it through this. It can't beat you. It might be really scary, but you're always so brave. Can I tell you a secret?" 

I nodded. 

"When I first met you, I wanted to be you." 

My eyebrows furrowed. "Why? I wasn't anyone then." 

"You were everything I wanted to be," Lucy said, "You were confident, you were graceful, and you would practice and practice until you got every motion flawless. It didn't matter how long it took or how tired you were, you kept going until you got it." 

"You have to for ballet." 

"No, you did it because it was your dream. You pushed yourself. You wanted the stars, and you reached for them."

I sighed. A heaviness settled in my chest, which I couldn't decide was good or bad because it brought pain nonetheless. "Why are you telling me this?"