It was so good to travel alone. This is at least what I thought earlier today. I only slept around 5 hours, as I went to bed at 1:30AM last night (or this morning?), and could not sleep. However, I had to get up at 7AM to get to Berkeley on reasonable time, to give myself enough time to go all around the city and do the proper touristy things. On my way on BART (orange line) to Berkeley, I was thinking of Dalma, the whole time. Remembering what she mentioned about Berkeley and how her friend was a PhD student here. I am sure he visited Berkeley, too. She was with me the whole day. And even at night.
Last night, I had a dream about her. Or actually, with her. We spent a whole day together. I remember I was so grateful for having her for one more day. I knew it was our last one, we both did. So we made the most out of it. I am glad this is exactly what we did when she was alive, too. But I now believe she visited me to say goodbye to me, too.
She was with me in Berekely, too. While I was walking across campus, I had the sad mood. I could not even smile, as I was making my way to the most scenic places. The campus was dump, cold and foggy, but all those amazing woods and redwoods. It is amazing how different a city or campus could be, even though it is just 1.5 hours away from SJSU. First, I did not like the vibes. Then I met Marci.
Marci showed me around the campus, and we kept talking about what experiences we had had so far and how much we do not want to go home. I am glad I could share these concerns with him, as if somebody gets me as a Fulbrighter in California, then he is the one. He also sees much more possibilities here for multi-million-dollar patents than in Hungary. That is kind of understandable, right?
Going into their labs, I loved the vibes, even though he says his home lab is much cooler and much more spacious than this one here at Berkeley – which came kind of as a surprise. At least some things are done better in Hungary. Marci even made me smell some chemical substances and asked me how poisonous I wanted them to be. As I did not volunteer to be killed on spot, he only showed me some easy ones, that could only have taken my abilities to smell. Well, I could still smell the air difference between the woody Berkeley and SJSU palm tree areas when I arrived home, so I think I and my smelling abilities pulled through, survived, or just got lucky. Kidding! He even showed me some substances and I kind of now grasp the difference between fluorescent and phosphorescent things. Not much, though, just a bit. As far as marketing person can understand these things. I wish I had had good chemistry teachers, I would have loved these kinds of experimental research, too. Nobody had ignited this kind of spark in me during my chemistry classes, tho.
Well, after my visit, Marci advised me to go to the top of one hill and watch the sunset from there. I was seriously considering it, but just on my way to the road, leading to the hill, I sprained my ankle. I considered that a sign, so I slowed down, checked the map and decided to walk back to the station. In case my ankle gets swollen, at least I would be in San Jose in an hour and a half, and I could just take the 61 bus home worst case, limping home.
As I was walking back to the station via Berkeley campus, I received messages that my colleagues wanted to post pictures of my late friend Dalma to the faculty webpage. I was shaking with anger and wrote down how much I am not supporting posting group pictures of us, having fun, that were originally intended to be Instagram story or IG post pictures. I will only ask for the permission from her husband for one picture only. That is it. It is not an argument I am having with anyone. Have I mentioned I could be extremely stubborn about things I believe in? Or for people I love? Well, this is now out.
On my way to the BART station, I went into a UC Berkeley store and managed to restrain myself a LOT. I only got bear stickers, nothing else. No hoodies, no nothing. Only stickers to my laptop (or anywhere else I might be sticking it). Then I got on BART. Meeting Marci honestly helped a lot. I was now in a much better mood. I was listening to music all the way back to San Jose, looking out the windows, admiring the bay hills, the bay area, and the setting sun, while thinking of my late friend Dalma, with a faint smile on my face, occasional tears in my eyes.
Today helped a lot. I loved the UC Berkeley campus in the afternoon, but if I could choose between schools (not that I have the privilege or the opportunity now), I would choose Stanford, that is the campus I loved the most out of the three campuses I visited so far. I cannot tell you why. It might have been the vibes, students, environment, buildings, smells, the branding, the pride, the vibes – oh I wrote this already – and the whole institution built around it.
Oh and funny thing! I have one more thing to thank Berkeley for, though. (Sorry for not picking you in my earlier inner debate, UC Berkeley.) Just as I was sitting on the steps in the morning the Berkeley tower literally towering above me, I had an idea. This is why I love trips. You just get stimulated. Ideas fly out of your brain just like that. Out of thin air, they materialize. I had an idea. A research idea. I am going to build a 'university pride index' that would be able to measure how much university students find pride in attending their own universities. How did I get the idea? Well, at Berkeley, almost everyone had a UC Berkeley, Berkeley, or Cal items on them. Hoodies, caps, badge holders, etc. I realized that Stanford people were similar, but much less merch. SJSU students were also wearing a lot of merch. I needed to find out what contributes to university pride, what it means for students and whether we can scale it or not. With a single scale, I believe you would be able to measure your own students' university pride. One single scale above all. Did you catch the Lord of the Rings reference? This scale would be applicable anywhere all around the world. It would not matter if your uni was private, public, in the US, Hungary, or Thailand. You could just use it. We could compare universities, just like that. This is my new dream now. I am more interested in this than in my Fulbright research. But Fulbright is the reason I am having this thought. So, they kind of go hand in hand. In other words, this is also what I can thank Fulbright for.
Tomorrow's plans: Petra, the Hungarian girl, who came from Hungary for two weeks reached out to me. She made it to the Bay Area, so tomorrow, I'm meeting her in the afternoon and will be showing her around in San Jose. I cannot wait to meet her and take my mind off everything for half a day.
10 October 2022
YOU ARE READING
Memories I am afraid I'll forget
Non-FictionWelcome to my American Days' Journals! I do not particularly have any talent in writing things up from scratch, especially not my own experience as a Fulbright scholar, but you have got to start somewhere, especially if you are too afraid that you'l...
