Holding On

ғᴏᴜʀ

🌼Ｅｍｍａ🌼

I stand rooted in my spot, unable to ascertain my feelings. I should be happy that I've finally achieved my aim, but his newly found stance feels like the piercing of a sharp knife against my skin.

Fuck, I came here with my mind well-prepared for a steamy weekend. This anticlimax hurts and confuses me at the same time.

Has Zain stopped wanting me? Why is he holding himself back when I am finally offering myself on a silver platter?

The previous night flashes through my mind. The insistent, sensual feel of Zain's mouth on mine. The way our tongues tangled, his hands running all over my body. No, it was been too passionate.

And unless the romance novels I read have been lying to me, a need like this didn't just evaporate. He still wants me, even though he was holding himself back.

This man is going to drive me crazy.  What is this sudden mystery? At first, I thought it had to do with his resentment towards me, but now I am beginning to feel there's something else. Something Zain isn't telling me.

But I am not going to give up. Not yet. Zain is the only man who has managed to trigger an emotional connection in me, and I'm not going to let it go so easily.

I follow Zain and find myself in the bedroom. Zain turns to look at me and lets out an agitated huff, seemingly exasperated that I am still here.

"Why have you not left? I've already freed you from the condition."

“Who says I want to be freed?” I say and suck in a breath when his gaze darkens.

My eyes trail down to the thick erection straining against the boxer he is now wearing, and it bolsters my resolve even more. "Leaving will make my trip a wasted one. I came with your condition in mind, and I'm not leaving without those conditions finalized."

Shock flashes in his brown eyes. "I, you...”

"You have a body to die for, Zain. And you ooze sexuality several women would be drawn to. That doesn't exclude me."

His eyes scan mine with a variety of emotions; shock, anger, disdain. I manage to tolerate his gaze until he suddenly chuckles. A bitter chuckle that has my heart quickening.

"Wait, am I actually talking to Emma Taylor? Are you sure you are the Emma I knew two years ago? The one who called me fat and feminine and just not man enough? I can't believe I was attracted to a woman like you. A woman who's so fucking superficially. Now you see that I've worked out to have a better body so you're suddenly drawn to me? You wouldn't have spared me a second glance if I'd been the same when we met again three weeks ago. Have you always been this shallow?”

"I've always been attracted to you Zain." I ignore the stabbing derision in his eyes.

His eyes flicker in confusion at my confession. Then slowly bitterness clouds the smile he flashes me, and my heart aches.

"Are you aware you sound like a completely different woman?" He muses, drawing closer. "I'm man enough for you now, aren't I?”

"I never meant any of all those remarks." I admit, "I never found you unattractive.”

"Why then? Why would you say those things if you never meant them?" His voice is laced with confusion, anger.

"I wanted to drive you away, and my only way of doing it was to break you. I'm sorry."

He increases our proximity and my heart stutters inside my chest. "And what suddenly happened to that desire to drive me out of your life?" His eyes probe into mine, searching for answers. “My transformed physique?”

I sigh, finding myself at a loss for words.

my silence seems to compel him to continue. "You made me feel so ugly. Grew up with such low self-esteem because I felt I didn't look good enough, and there you were fueling those thoughts. Like a fool, I kept on trying to change your mind, and like a fool, I believes you when you said you were finally ready to give me a chance. And then I saw you with that guy in your apartment lobby, just about ready to go inside and fuck. Even though you knew I am coming. Then you told me all those horrible things. You wanted to break me.”

"Is that why you are rejecting me? For revenge?'

There. I'd said it.

”Yes, I hate you. I fucking despise you, Emma Taylor.” He screams, causing my heart to squeeze at the raw pain in his voice.

Pain tore through me, his words echoing in my head. He hates me. He hates me. I've been right all along.

His eyes replay the hurt I made him go through. My heart breaks. Fuck, I knew I hurt him, but the pain in his eyes is nothing like I imagined. I feel like my body is on fire, the torturous kind of fire.

"I'm sorry." I look up at him just in time to catch a glimpse of guarded emotions before they are overcome by a scowl. "I'm sorry my lies hurt you so much. You never repulsed me. Quite the contrary. I was afraid of my attraction towards you. I didn't know how to handle how you made me feel. I've always desired you, always wanted you, and I still do."

Zain levels his gaze to mine until his breath is fanning my face. "So you're practically begging me to fuck you now?"

I almost gasp at his crude words, but my body reacts to the heat in his eyes in a thoroughly sensual way. if that makes me a slut, then so be it. I groan lightly when he suddenly steps back, reducing our closeness.

"You are one hell of an eccentric woman."

I nod slowly and understandingly, knowing there's no denying his observation. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Zain."

I sulk as memories I've tried to do without flashes through my mind. All the emotions swirling inside me stings the back of my throat but I hold the tears.

The warmth from Zain's body suddenly engulfs mine, causing me to gasp at the suddenty. His hands on my head force me to smell the manly scent of his chest, mingling with the smell of shampoo.

His erratic heartbeat tickles my ears, and I realize that I'm not the only one on the receiving end of this pulse-pounding desire.

His big hands tilt back my head, his eyes shifting gazes between my eyes and lips as if battling with an urge to kiss me. Then as if with dread, he lets go of my body and reaches for a tight-fitting white shirt together with a pair of well-worn denim jeans.

After wearing them, he storms out of the room without so much as looking back at me, leaving me reeling with confusion.
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I try my best to edit, guys, but I'm only human. If you find any errors, please don't hesitate to point them out.

LOL
-E!