Holding On

Thirty-Eight

Her heart stuttered as she stared down at her daughter who's expression was a mixture of shock, incredulity and confusion. Confusion seemed to be the dominant.

Em immediately went close to her, kneeling down on one knee in front of her. "Hey, sweetie. Why are you here?" She asked in a sweetly controlled voice, even while her voice wanted to tear up with the angst. Her daughter only stared back at her with a hint of. . . accussation?

"Why aren't you answering, dear?" Her voice shook with the panic building inside her.

"Hey there, little Amy." Zain was beside her, also on one knee, obviously wanting to try his luck. "You missed me?"

Amy only shook her head timidly, staring at Zain with a hint of. . . wariness? Em's heart raced against her chest furiously. Just how much had her daughter seen and how much did her infantile mind grasp and understand?

"Amy, can you do me a favour?" Zain suddenly asked the three year old with a smile that she barely returned if she did at all. "You see, there is something very important that I need to discuss with your mother. Can you please excuse us?"

"What are you-" Em started to protest, but before she could, her daughter practically run out of the room. She sprang to her feet, ready to go and offer any placating justification, but before she could step out, Zain held her by the wrist. She glared at him angrily.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? My daughter just saw me kissing a man who isn't her father. I need to go and speak to her."

"Come on, Em. She's just a child. She probably didn't think much if it." Zain assured with wavering confidence.

"Didn't think much of it?" She tried to unclamp Zain's hand from her wrist with her other hand. "My daughter might be a child, but she is not naive enough to forget that this is something mummy does with only daddy."

Abruptly, Zain pulled her back and shut the door before turning the locks. "You aren't going to use this as an excuse to escape this discussion. I won't let you do that."

The soberness in his eyes finally made her control snap, and she held him by the collar with wild incense for his disregard of her feelings. "What the hell do you want? Why do you want to destroy my life?"

Anger flashed through his eyes just as he clenched his jaw, seemingly infuriated as well. "I'm not trying to destroy your life. I'm merely trying to secure a future of happiness for you. You know I love you."

"I never told you I was unhappy. And don't you dare speak of love because you clearly know nothing of it. If you truly love me, you will leave me alone to be happy with George."

"But I know you aren't completely happy. No one else can make you as happy as I can make you." He reached out to cup her cheek, his touch eliciting a shrill feel on her skin. "Listen, I know you're conflicted because you're suddenly realizing your love for George as the illusion it is. But you really have to accept that the man you truly love is me."

"You have no right to tell me what I feel. They are my feelings and emotions. And I know them well enough to know that the only thing I feel for you right now is utter revolt."

She wished it were true, but right now, her emotions were so jumbled there seemed no way of ordering them. They tore her apart inside.

Zain was suddenly pulling her close by the waist to his hard body. "This is exactly what I mean. You're so scared to admit your love for me even if it's so manifested in your gaze no matter how you try to camouflage it."

She attempted go push him back by the chest, but his hard muscles and bones refused to budge. "I'm not afraid of anything and I'm not camouflaging anything. Because I don't love you. The only man I love is George. He's the man I've been in love with for four years now, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't love him."