Autumn Showers

34- The one with the late-night park talks

I shiver as I pull my sleeves over my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks. Tonight, has felt almost impossible.

I tried to ring my grandma because it's Winters birthday but apparently, I was no longer allowed to contact her, not until I've finished my therapy sessions. She didn't think it was appropriate for a six-year-old to talk with someone who could potentially be 'unstable'.

Why couldn't anyone see that I was trying?

I've really tried to let my guard down and become a better person, and I thought I was making progress. 

But now I feel like her saying this has brought me back to step-one.

I sniff loudly as I pull my phone out and begin to look at the one of the only pictures I have of her, my heart aches as I look at her sparkling green eyes, her curly blonde hair placed in two pigtails, that she insisted that I do for her. I took her out for ice-cream that day to distract her from mom and dad's arguing, this was the third time that they got back together and broke up again. 

She was only two, she didn't deserve to hear plates smashing or the sobs that escaped from our mom's lips.

I remember the first time my dad slapped me, that was the day I vowed to myself, the moment I turned eighteen, I would try my best to get custody of her.

And now I can't even call her on her birthday.

'Princess?'

My head snaps up, I look up to see Lucas with a cigarette hung between his lips, the dark golden hue of the streetlamps illuminating his face. 

I wipe my cheeks roughly, 'Luke, what are you doing here?'

'I was just walking back from a friend's house.'

My heart sinks slightly, 'W-What kind of friend?'

He laughs softly, 'Just a normal friend, not one with benefits don't worry.'

I scoff, 'I wasn't worried.'

'Are you going to tell me, why you are crying in the middle of the night on a swing-set?'

'The better question is why aren't you crying in the middle of the night on a swing-set?'

His hazel eyes roll as he sits on the swing next to me, 'Talk to me.'

I let out a shaky breath, 'I-It's Winter's birthday and I've been told I can't contact her anymore.'

'What? Why?'

'I-I have therapy sessions, I don't really want to go into why, but apparently I can't talk to her until I've finished them.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'Surely, you having the sessions shows that you are taking the steps to be able to see her again?'

I shrug, 'I thought that too, but I guess not.'

Lucas begins to swing slowly, 'I used to have therapy sessions.'

I blink as I turn to look at him, 'Y-You did?'

'Y-Yeah, It was to deal with some shit that happened with my dad.'

My heart squeezes painfully when I look at the expression on his face, 'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Tonight, I actually do.'

'Really?'

He sighs loudly, 'Yeah, I'm kind of tired of bottling it all up and you're easy to talk too.'