Start Again

Part 12

Luke was out like a light. Lindsey stayed in the boy's room a while longer after he'd fallen asleep, enjoying the peaceful and quiet moment. Carefully, Lindsey got up from the bed and walked out, closing the door behind him. You could have had this, he thought to himself as he made his  way downstairs to Stevie.

"I was going to help you with the dishes." Lindsey spoke up.

Stevie waved it off. "I have a dishwasher for that. Besides, I wouldn't have let you." She smiled, moving over to the fridge, she then kicked the doors with her foot and carried two bottled beers. "I won't tell anyone." 

"Thanks." Lindsey laughed lightly, pulling out a chair. "But I can go if you have other plans. I mean, it's almost 11 pm already."

"I don't have other plans." Stevie shook her head, taking a seat as well. "I didn't ask you to come over to help me pick out the snacks for Luke's birthday, Lindsey." His eyebrows creased as he looked at her. "I have a sense that something's going on. If you don't want to talk about it - fine, but if there's something you'd like to get off your chest..."

"What makes you say that?" He asked and she gave him a look, reminding him that she had known him since they were teenagers. "I doubt that you want to listen about my marital problems."

"I really don't." Stevie agreed. "But we're friends, right? You know that things only get worse if you keep it all bottled up."

Lindsey sighed then swallowed a large gulp of his beer. "I don't even know what the problem is. We're constantly fighting. I can't do anything right. I mean... I know one of the many issues, but..." He shrugged, casting his eyes down. "I'm sure things would improve a lot if I- if I-"

"If you'd cut me out of your life." Stevie finished and it hurt him hearing it. 

"I'm never going to do that." Lindsey shook his head, a hand over his heart. "You mean too much to me to just- no. No, I'm not going to give in and do something like this just to please her."

"But she is your wife, Lindsey. You chose to marry her. You chose her." Stevie emphasized, a slight edge in her voice. "You're a family. You made a decision."

"Feels like it's 1997 and 8 again." He sighed, putting his head in his hands.

Stevie looked at him sympathetically even if he couldn't see it. She stood up and walked over closer to him, she lay a hand on his back. "It's going to be okay. It's just a rough patch."

Lindsey lifted his head up and turned to face her. "What if it's not? What if it's taken me years to realize that this is not what I want. I think, a man is supposed to be in love with his wife. I'm not."

"Lindsey-"

"No, Stevie, I-"

"Lindsey, stop." She cut him off and moved away, making some space between them. "You're talking crazy."

A moment of silence followed. Stevie knew, she could be making a big mistake starting this conversation, but she wanted to help. The least she could do was listen. Only that whenever Lindsey talked and talked openly, she didn't want to hear it. She realized, he was keeping a lot unsaid, but she couldn't handle it, so he didn't push it.

"I fucked up." Lindsey said after a while. "I ruined everything and this is my life now. My miserable, sad life."

The look on his face made her give in and she approached him again. Before she could even open her mouth, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her chest. It took no more than a few second before she felt his tears wet her shirt and her heart broke for him. Slowly, she lifted her arms up, wrapped one around his back, the fingers of her other hand slipped into his curls and she just held him as he let it all out.

~

AN: several throwback chapters are coming up, which will show, why Stevie is so careful around Lindsey. Not that we all don't already know. After that, maybe some of the BN you're all waiting for will come. Thank you for reading! ♥