Start Again

Part 32

"I don't know where to begin." Lindsey breathed out heavily, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. "Again, I'm sorry for not calling or texting you back. I feel like shit for not coming to see my son for weeks. A lot has happened very fast, too fast."

Stevie's attitude changed the second she saw that thin tan line instead of the wedding ring on his finger. Clearly, Lindsey had made some lifechanging decisions and she couldn't be mad at him for that.

"I guess, I should start with the obvious." Lindsey shifted in his seat, his eyes fixed on his left hand. "When Kristen and I left the restaurant on your birthday, we got into the car and the first thing I did was ask for divorce."

"Lindsey..." Stevie gave him a sympathetic look, he smiled weakly shaking his head.

"I'm alright. I am certain that this is what I want, you know? Yes, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, but I assumed that Kristen and I would have a talk first." Lindsey shrugged. "But everything just... I don't know, I knew in that moment that I no longer wanted to be married to her."

Stevie was quite shocked by the news. She obviously knew that things weren't great, but she was sure that they'd work through it, it had happened before. Say You Will tour was a particularly rough patch for the Buckinghams' marriage. Stevie was learning to trust Lindsey again, she was slowly letting him in and it pushed him closer to her, pulling him farther away from his wife. Kristen attended several shows and every night after Fleetwood Mac walked off the stage, Stevie heard them fighting, more often than not about her. She sat Lindsey down towards the end of the tour, she had to make some things clear - she welcomed him back as a friend, but they were not going to get involved romantically again. Lindsey took a step back and returned to his wife.

"How did she take it?" Stevie asked.

"She told me not to threaten her with divorce." Lindsey scoffed, remembering that drive home. "She didn't think I was serious."

"She had to have tried changing your mind though, right?" Stevie hoped she wasn't being too nosy.

"Well, I didn't really give her a chance." Lindsey shrugged, leaning forward in his seat, he clasped his hands. "I went to a hotel that night, so you know... she didn't have a way to, uh, persuade me otherwise."

"I'm sorry, Lindsey." Stevie moved closer to him, she hugged him around the shoulders. "No matter what was going on prior to you making this decision, it still must hurt. You spent years together, you have three beautiful babies together."

"God, the kids is the toughest part." Lindsey sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Right now, I'm away working." He said using air quotes. "I haven't quite figured out how to tell them yet. I mean, Stella just turned three. Like, there's no way to explain this to her."

"Doesn't it make you rethink this?" Stevie asked, she swallowed uneasily waiting for his response.

"I'm still their dad." Lindsey shrugged weakly, he sounded emotional, she lay her head on his shoulder. "I love my children more than anything, but if I stayed, I'd be sacrificing my own happiness. There's absolutely no love left between Kristen and I, it- I- I'd be staying for the wrong reasons."

"You'll figure it out." What else was she going to say? "I want to ask, but if you don't want to answer, that's fine." Lindsey nodded. "Why that night? You and I had just had a fight. I slapped you, for which I'm so very sorry."

"I deserved it." Lindsey said.

"That's besides the point, I should have never done that." Stevie shook her head, she cupped his cheek when he turned to face her. "I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven." Lindsey half smiled. "Why that night." He sighed. "Yeah, we argued, but... it made me realize that-" He gulped, knowing that things could possibly go wrong. "It made me realize that you and I have still something left worth fighting for. Kristen and I had never had this kind of passion."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Stevie's eyebrows creased as she slowly pulled away from him. 

"I love you." He said. "And I'm no longer confused. I know exactly what I want."

Stevie stared blankly at him, sensing that he might be thinking about kissing her again.