Start Again

Part 17

Middle of May, 1998

~

Stevie sat in the nursery with her beautiful, most importantly, healthy baby boy, moving the rocking chair gently with her foot. She still couldn't quite believe that she was finally able to hold her son. Her and Lindsey's. He helped and was there for her as much as she allowed him and she was thankful. She was especially grateful to Lindsey the past few weeks. He insisted on staying with her and Luke for at least the very beginning. Stevie was hesitant, she didn't want for him to start breaking down the walls she'd built around herself by being absolutely amazing, but she gave in in the end, realizing that no matter how many books she'd read, she still had no idea how to take care of a newborn.

After cleaning up the kitchen after lunch, Lindsey came upstairs and to the nursery. He leaned against the doorframe, smiling at the sight in front of him. If he hadn't been so stupid, he wouldn't have to be a guest at Stevie's. It would be their house, where they lived together as a little family. No, he had to ruin it. He had to break her heart yet again. He could fall to his knees and beg, plead for her to take him back, but he knew, she still hurt and there was no point in even trying.

"You can put him down, you know." Lindsey joked, walking into the room. "I don't think, he's gonna go anywhere."

"I'm not sure I can." Stevie shook her head, her eyes glued to Luke, peacefully sleeping in his mother's arms. "I can't believe he's real, that he's here."

"I know." Lindsey stood beside her, he bent down to kiss the top of her head. "You're incredible, too. I hope you know, how much I love you."

Stevie froze. Lindsey had kept those words to himself for months. She wished, he hadn't said them now. "I think, it's time for you to go home, Lindsey."

"What?" Lindsey pulled back, frowning. "Why?"

"Because you don't live here, because we're not together." Stevie spoke calmly, somewhat slower than usual in order to keep it together. "Because you have another woman pregnant at home."

"Stevie-"

"No, Lindsey, don't." Stevie stopped him, shaking her head. "This is not real. You and I are not real. I don't want you to get used to this. You're not staying."

"I..." Lindsey gulped, he expected none of this when he woke up that morning. "But-"

"No but." Stevie said. "This is what our life is going to be like. I'll be raising Luke on my own and you'll come around when you can get away from your girlfriend long enough to spend some time with your son."

He couldn't even argue with that because it was true. "Can I stay tonight at least? Just one more night? Please?"

"No." Stevie repeated herself once more. "No, Lindsey, you can't and you shouldn't."

"I love you." Lindsey blurted out as if that was going to change anything.

After a moment of silence, Stevie finally tilted her eyes up to look at him. "You have someone else to say that to now."