Start Again

Part 33

Stevie had to make some space between them. Lindsey watched her as she got up from her seat and walked over to the window. He had to give her some time to process his words, he knew that, so he stayed where he was.

"Why did you have to figure out what you want now?" Stevie spoke up after some time as she turned around to face him, leaning against the windowsill. "Why do you always insist on making my life more complicated than it has to be?"

"Well, it gets more complicated only if you let it." Lindsey shrugged. "I'm being honest with you. I'm once again opening my heart to you, Stevie. The truth is, there was never a time that I didn't love you. I made a mistake, which tore as apart. You pushed me away and I let you, I didn't fight hard enough for you, for us to stay together. I knew, I was making a mistake, when I married Kristen. Our relationship, our marriage was never about unconditional love." Lindsey shook his head as he too stood up and slowly, somewhat carefully made his way towards her. "We got together because she was having my baby. We stayed together to raise our child because you didn't want to do that with me. I'm not blaming you by any means." Lindsey added before she could start defending herself. "I hurt you and you absolutely had a right to hurt for as long as you needed to. I know that even now you're still not completely over it and you might never be. This is just something I have to deal with."

"I did push you away." Stevie agreed, her arms folded, letting him know not to step any closer. "But I didn't tell you to be with her. Have you any idea how badly that hurt me? One day you're on your knees, begging me to take you back and then a couple months later you're parading your new girlfriend around. You moved in together, you got her pregnant again, you married her. Should I keep going?" 

"You don't have to." Lindsey shook his head. "I know, I know everything that happened. Again, it's not because I was in love with her. All those things I did, I did them because it felt like it was the right thing to do."

"What, getting her pregnant twice more after Will?" Stevie gave him a pointed look, he hung his head low. "Lindsey, I was never angry with you because of your children, I'm definitely not angry with your children because none of it is their fault. I'm angry because you told me one thing and did the opposite. You kept doing it for years! That's what hurt me the most."

"But that's all over. It took me way too long, but I did it. I've left my wife for you." Lindsey emphasized, which made Stevie push at his chest, when he attempted to close the small gap still between them.

"Don't say that!" Stevie yelled out, getting away from him again. "I didn't ask you to file for divorce! I'm in a relationship, I have somebody, I'm trying to make it work. I-" She pointed at herself. "Did not ask anything from you!"

"Fine." Lindsey agreed, holding his hands up. "Fine, you're right. I did it all by myself, but I did it because of you." He saw her wiping under her eyes and he sighed, he'd been making her cry a lot lately. "You let me in. We spent a night together. I felt, what you felt, Stevie. You can't tell me otherwise. And then on your birthday, I saw it in you, too. You're still passionate about us. Years ago, you would have told me to fuck off and left, but you stayed. You only ran away, when I told you, I love you."

"Because you're not supposed to say that to me." Stevie glared at him, looking through her purse for a pack of tissues. 

"Because it scares you." Lindsey corrected. "Because yes, you have someone else right now, but here I am, telling you that I love you. I'm no longer keeping it inside. So, when you say that I'm making your life more complicated, it is because you're not stopping me. You didn't stop me, when we slept together, you didn't stop me, when I kissed you, you didn't stop me, when I said, I love you. You're not over me." Lindsey stated, it was not a question in any way. "I'm sure Eliot is completely different from me and things are easy with him, that it would be an easy choice to stay with him and let him love you, but I know that you could never love him the way you love me."

"How do you know?" Stevie scoffed, suddenly realizing that Lindsey was much closer to her now. "You don't know anything about us."

"No." Lindsey shook his head. "But I know you."

"Lindsey-" Stevie began, but she stopped at that, when he cradled her face in his hands and leaned in to kiss her, not afraid of getting slapped again.

She was a little hesitant at first, but he didn't pull back. Their lips remained locked, still for a moment before he felt her hands on his sides, her grip was weak at first, but when he parted his lips slightly to deepen the kiss, she was holding onto him tightly, giving in. He had no idea, how long it lasted, but the kiss grew from just a light touch of their lips and when they drew back, they were breathing heavily, staring at each other.

"Stevie, I-"

"I have to go." Stevie interrupted, grabbing her purse.

"What? Why?" Lindsey frowned, following after her. "We're not done-"

"I have to go!" She repeated herself and ran out the door.