How Do I Fix This?

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Warning!!!

This chapter does discuss disturbing things such as suicide and miscarrying. Please be careful when you read and if you have an issue with how I am portraying things please message me.

Call 988 to reach the suicide prevention lifeline

AZ pov

The cold wind was blocked by the pines and maples surrounding us, but they did little to protect against the downpour the sky was spitting out. Dran stood next to me, his hair plastered to his scalp, scowl etched into his face. We were running drills in the forest, waiting for the males to try and attack us. We had sent them about five miles in and with the rain it would take them a while to find us and make plans.

"How are you doing?" Dran asked, his gruff voice sounding above the steady drumbeat of rain.

"What do you mean?" I asked, scanning the forest.

"With Aslin." He replied, glancing over at me, "I know you had strong opinions about being mated. I'm surprised you claimed her."

"I didn't mean to," I huffed, scrubbing a hand over the stubble on my face.

"Then why?" He asked, his scowl deepening.

His questions were uncomfortable, but we had always had a relationship like this. I used to go to him quite frequently when I had first arrived here, before Theorn and I had met. Brushing away the water that was dripping down my face I looked over at him. Studying his annoyed expression.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, raising a brow.

"She is a good female," He shrugged, casting a pointed look at me, "She deserves a lot."

Jealousy scratched its crooked claws down my back, but I ignored the feeling. Dran wasn't interested in her, he was concerned.

"I know that," I sighed, "I honestly didn't mean to claim her. The moment I saw her it was like my beast was trying to claw out of my skin to get to her. I thought I could still walk away though, but then she ran from me."

Dran nodded understandingly, "Sometimes your instincts get the better of you. Still, that isn't like you."

"I know," I groaned again, "Everytime I see her I can barely control myself. I want to start fighting any male who so much as looks at her. I'm torn between wanting to hide her away where no one can see her and bringing her everywhere with me so everyone can see what a beautiful female she is."

"You've got it bad," He chuckled, his scowl cracking into a smile. "How are you going to be able to leave with Killian if you are this obsessed with her?"

I cringed at his wording, "I have no idea. I've been trying to avoid thinking about it. She was talking to Casi last night and I almost punched him even though I know he only has eyes for one."

Dran smirked, dark eyes flashing with amusement, "I wonder how long those two will continue dancing around each other. It's been what? Three years since Casi was transferred here?"

"I think it's almost four now." I corrected, watching the light flash across the sky. "What am I going to do, Dran?"

He shrugged, "It's not my job to tell you. You know you're needed with Killian, everything will be taken care of here. You just need to decide if you can handle being away from the one you love for that long."

"I don't love her," I snapped, "I barely know her."

Dran huffed, "You need to get over yourself. It's okay to love things Az. Try as you might to distance yourself, your heart will always belong here. Among these mountains, in the hands of your mate. You love your people and you love her."

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