Unheard reasons

Chapter 21

Kashaf's pov

"I don't think doing the old talk is of any use now. Let's decide about our future together." Humza said.

"Why do you think I'll discuss anything about my future with someone like you?" I replied

"Kashfi I know you're angry and your anger is at place but now I'm in need of your help. You can't marry Abid. I know you still love me. Even if you don't love me anymore I have ways to get you back." Humza said

"No Humza no. Wake up. I won't refuse Abid for an unstable guy like you. There is no guarantee that you won't abandon me again. You're a man of goals and dreams anyways silly things like love, feelings and emotions don't matter to you. You Humza you it was you who left me alone. And I know you will leave again. Everything about you is a never-ending goodbye. The more I tend to have you, the more you slip from my hold. You have no idea to how disturbingly difficult the last times were. I was messed up. I was just not Kashaf. I needed you so bad. I missed you so much. I wanted to hear you. I wanted to talk to you. Where were you Humza Amin? Where were you? Enjoying your life back there in the states, completing your studies. What about us Humza? You left someone you called YOUR BARFI behind, did you turn back? NO. You almost forgot me like I never existed. Why Humza why! Why did you play with my heart so bad! I know you had your reasons but you never expressed them and now I don't even want to know what emergency you had to leave just like that. Continue your life with those UNHEARD REASONS. You ruined me, Humza." I said crying mess. A long loud cry of anger, pain and sadness.

"I ruined you! Kashfi I'm sorry love." He said in a low tone.

"Yes Humza you ruined me." I replied.

Humza's pov

I stood near her as she cried her heart out. I was guilty for her sight. Yet another successful situation of her tears because of me. I don't know what to do or say. I just hugged her fragile body tightly as if it was the last one I could ever get.

"Barfi I don't know what we are, but I miss what we were. I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. I thought of you from time to time, more than I thought I would. The last two years my each breath, each moment, each minute, each second and each fucking millisecond was all about you. I called you each day but could never courage up to say you something. I wandered with you and unexplainable guilt in my heart. I ringed you that night to inform about my flight but you didn't attend my 16 calls and 36 texts. The last call between us when you finally talked to me saying you missed me so much, I heard everything the conversation between you, Husna aunty and Kamil. I packed my bags and left the moment I heard about your engagement with Abid. I get physically ill when I think about you getting physical with someone else. I think its your right to do so and its my right to feel like shit. Kashaf I wish we never met, because oh god you're so hard to forget. Tell me do you not hate me anymore? I'm still gonna love you." I let out as tears brimmed my eyes.

"I hate you Humza and I will always hate your departure from us. What happened two years back is just the past. You are my past which I forgot. Abid is my present and my future just as Urooj is yours. I'm really happy for your return. I don't have any issues with you. You can leave. Spend time with your family and Urooj. Take Humna bhabhi with you for some days, she missed you alot. Do you understand, Humza?" She said removing my hands from her.

"I'll wait for another thousand years just to hear you call my name with all the love you do to me. Don't punish yourself for my mistakes. Don't marry Abid. I know you don't love him." I said moving away from her. I am slowly fading away and she doesn't even notice. I pushed everyone else away because they weren't you and now you're pushing me away, which slightly hurts.