My eyes are always searching for you

Chapter 39

I closed the door of my room and my head was booming with questions.

What just happened? Did he just kiss me? Why? Was he just drunk? Or does he has feelings for me? Does he kiss anybody like that? What if he thought I am his ex and kissed me?

Wait a minute he said that he know that I am Sarah. So that means he kissed ME, right? Why am I thinking about his ex? the question is why did he kiss ME? What should I do? Rather I should ask him to take responsibility and be my boyfriend. That's the worst excuse I have heard to make someone your boyfriend. I sighed. I can't do that right. He was drunk and he has someone he likes. What if that someone is me?  haha. Why would he like me in the first place? This isn't a k-drama Sarah! Come out of your fantasy world!

I guess I'll have one more sleepless night. I was happy that he kissed me but at the same time, I was angry that he kissed me while he was drunk. Wait a minute so I would be happy if he kissed me if he wasn't drunk? Sarah when did you start getting these perverted thoughts? But I liked it. No Sarah Focus.

What am I doing? fighting with myself?  I should go see a psychiatrist. This Minho boy is making me mad.  Yeah, mad in love.

The whole night I had a conference meeting with myself where I proved that I have gone mad and I need to stop these conferences with myself.

In the morning, when I came to the breakfast table, I had big dark circles around my eyes. Emily choked on her milk when she saw her.
She asked with a worried expression, "What happened Sarah? you look like a ghost. Did something happen?"

Did something happen? Yes. Your friend got kissed by her crush and doesn't even know if he likes her or not? Your friend is reaching the edge where she can trip and fall into insanity.

I was about to tell her as no one was around. Actually, Minho wasn't around. Then suddenly Minho came from the hall. His hair was messed up and he was rubbing his forehead with one hand with an irritated expression.

Emily asked, "what happened? why do you look like a ghost as well? Did something happen between you two?"

I glared at Emily to stop.  She knew something was up but was acting innocent. You just wait Emily. I'll kiss you. No I mean, I will kill you with my hands. Why can't I even think correctly?

A flashback of last night came back and I turned red. I don't even know how to face him. I am glaring at my empty plate.

Minho yawned and said, "I have a severe headache. I guess I need a hangover medicine."

Emily replied, "Oh yes, you drank a lot yesterday.  Wait, I'll get you medicine."

No, no, Emily! don't leave me alone!! I was screaming inside. It will be so awkward!

But Emily ran back to her room to get the medicine. My inner screams of course didn't reach her.

So I was alone with Minho now. But I was staring at my plate. He sat in front of me.

I was wondering, what to do when he asked,
"Are you all right Sarah? why are you staring at an empty plate? Do you want some salad?"

I want some of your .... what am I thinking? pervert.

I replied, "Umm. yes please." He was serving salad on my plate and I was staring at his lips.
Our eyes met and he said, "Is there something on my face or are you admiring my beauty?" He smirked.

I quickly averted my gaze and again stared at the plate as I tried to hide my red face.
He chuckled and said, "You are acting strange but cute today."

How can he be so calm? I am dying of embarrassment, love, and curiosity here.  Does he just casually kiss anyone? he didn't even say anything about the accidental kiss that we had. Am I the only one who feels that it was special? I felt sad about this.

He quickly realized something and said, "If you are awkward because of that kiss, please don't be. Ours lips just touched... a bit... Umm... I know you like-"  He seemed a bit nervous.

Emily came in and gave him the medicine.

He took the medicine while I felt like my heart just dropped to the ground. How can he say that I shouldn't feel awkward? what should I feel? You don't even like me and kissed me! and here I am all too happy that you may have feelings for me.

Well, at least you got the answer, Sarah. Now just give up on him. I picked up the glass of juice and started drinking.

he continued, "That brown guy? where did you meet him? Why didn't you call him at your birthday party yesterday?"

I choked on my juice. Why did he bring up the brown boy? actually Brown-eyed boy.

Emily turned to me, "Who is this brown boy now? Why don't I know him?"

Oh shut up Emily, it was because of you that this brown-eyed boy turned into a brown boy.

Minho continued, "Did he come to meet you after the game was over? I don't even remember when it ended. It's just a blur in my memory. I don't even remember how I reached my sofa yesterday."

He doesn't remember anything? Phew.

What phew?  Why are you sighing with relief? Now how will I ask him, why he kissed me yesterday? I can't tell him that hey Mr. Minho, you kissed me yesterday. Our lips didn't just touch I can assure you it was more than that and now you ought to be my boyfriend! I can't ask that and make him awkward. What if he distances himself from me because he felt awkward? No, I can't let that happen. I guess I have to bury this secret in my heart for the rest of my life.

*sobs inside*