Falter

Touch

Ella's POV

I'm speechless, what did he just say, he wanted my body for sex no attachments, no emotional connection. Can I do this? not be emotionally attached to the idea of no relationship, no cuddling on the couch, no breakfast in bed. Would I just be a booty call to him. I'm in shock, I would die if this got out in the media, reporters asking questions, I felt my heart beating so fast, my chest getting tighter, and my vision starting to blur, damnit, please not now, please.
"Ella are you alright"
I can't speak, I'm scared, I shake my head knowing he is waiting for an answer. Next I feel him pick me up bridal style and carry me to his biege lounge suite. We sit, with me on his lap, he's talking to me but I can't hear him, "Ella its okay, just breathe, breathe Ella. Thats it, shhhh its okay"
I feel myself calming down my heart was back to a normal beat, my vision was slowly coming back, and my chest was getting lighter, I keep hearing his voice. "Are you okay now" I nodded my head, not wanting my voice to give away my true feelings, I am scared.
"Ella if you don't want to do this I understand, you can leave when you feel stronger, or do you want to ask me a question that may ease your mind" Christian stood up and placed me on the lounge chair alone, while he stood. "I'll get you something to drink, that might make you feel better?"

When he returned with a glass of water I reached for the glass, I took several sips before I said Thank you. He sat next to me looking at me with concern
"So is there something you would like to ask me?" after a few minutes
"If I do this no one will know" I asked weakly.
"No one will know, I'm very discrete"
"How long would I have to do this for?"
"However long I take to explore you sexually"
"What do you mean by that"
"I'm not going to whip you or smack you with props, but I do want to know what gives you that orgasm, what makes you scream, which part of your body is the most sensitive, I want to know all your sexually desires"
"So when you find someone new you will let me go?"
"Yes"
My mind was in turmoil, I would just be replaced, wow, it would be similar to a one night stand, right? only it's with the same guy over and over again, I have needs to, I guess it would be better than sitting in a bar trying to pick up. And my gosh just look at him I can touch him, my dreams would finally come true, literally.
"So how does this work, you call and I come running?"
"Yes"
"And if I'm busy?"
"I will wait, but I don't like to be kept waiting"
"We will never be seen in public together"
"There are occasions where I will require your attendance, but if you like I'll make sure, it is a work related function"
"I don't want money and gifts from you"
"Its part of the proposal, its part of the whole package"
"I have money I've worked for, I don't want a hand out"
"It's part of the package deal"
I hate that I will get money, I didn't expect to hear him propose such a thing, but if I'm honest, I came here expecting it to end with sex, but not a proposal. I do want the sex no attachments, I wouldn't have to explain it to anyone. And it keeps him out of the media, for his own safety. This might work.
"Okay"
I hope I'm doing the right thing, I know I can trust him. I've wanted to have sex with him since I first saw those bloody blue eyes.
"Okay you will do it"
"Yes"
"Great, let's start now, all this talk about sex is making me horny"

He stood with his hand out waiting for me to place my hand in his, we walked hand in hand to a bedroom opposite the kitchen. It was hugh, it was bigger than my whole apartment, he had windows on one side of the room that had beautiful view of New York, even through his sheer curtains. A king king size bed if thats even possible, you could get lost in there. His room was a modern decor, greys, black and beige colours, a massive wardrobe by the door we entered, there was also a door by his bed, which I assumed was his ensuite. I loved it. He stopped in front of the bed.
"I've been waiting a long time for this moment Ella"