Love or War

Final-Yeji

I wake up to my mom crying. I try to remember what happened and the pain in my stomach reminds me. How am I alive right now?

"Mom?" I struggle to say. My voice sounds hoarse.

"Oh my god, Yeji" my mom cries even more while squeezing my hand.

"What happened? Where's everyone?" I ask because I expected maybe Beomgyu to be here.

"They're all resting and trying to recover from the fight. Beomgyu had a fractured skull then Lia had a broken back but fortunately she will still be able to walk. The damages to her spine was severe but no nerve damage. We were worried about that. Yuna is taking charge while Beomgyu is out and Chaeryeong is helping. Your dad is helping rebuild our pack and other packs" my mom shares.

"San is dead though. Ryujin killed him. They got control of themselves again and was able to help us win. The vampires retreated and the king apologized. I think he's afraid that we will attack them someday as revenge. He said he wasn't aware of everything his son was doing but we didn't believe him. We couldn't call him out on it because we didn't want to start another fight" she continues.

"What about Ryujin? Where is she? Is she okay?" I ask even though I know the answer from my heart. I feel my heart hurting but I ignore it. I refuse to believe that she's gone. I think my mark worked because the pain I'm feeling is not like how it was before when we were just apart. Something feels like it's missing.

Sarina is crying and I can feel the pain she's feeling too. She's been trying to communicate with Ryujin's wolf ever since we've regained consciousness but she can't reach him. I haven't tried with Ryujin because what's the point? I'd just hurt myself more.

"She's gone" my mom avoids looking into my eyes. I had an idea but it still hurt hearing out loud and to have it be confirmed.

"What do you mean she's gone?!" I quickly sit up, not caring about the pain in my body. I'm clearly in denial. 

"We just found San's body. We thought maybe the vampires took her again but the king claims that they didn't and I don't think they would lie about that."

"Then where is she?! How can she disappear?! Mom, I think she's dead. I can't feel her. My wolf can't feel her. I should be able to feel her because I marked her. Even if the vampires were controlling her at the time, I should still feel her presence" I start crying and she immediately pulls me in for a hug.

"I'm sorry, sweetie" she hums.

"It's all my fault. All of this is my fault" I push her away and I start hitting myself.

"If I didn't kick her out then they wouldn't have gotten her. They wouldn't have been able to control my mate. It's my fault that she's gone" I grab my chest because the pain is too much.

"Yeji, stop. You're gonna open up your wound again. It's not your fault. This no one's fault except San" she cries with me.

"I never got the chance to fix things with Ryujin, mom. She died thinking I didn't want her. She died with her wolf hating me. How can I move on knowing that?"

I lay back down and breathing becomes difficult from crying too hard. My heart feels empty and lost. I really don't know what I'm gonna do now.

"I can't say it's gonna be okay. I can't say that the pain will go away or that you'll wake up one day feeling better. Sadly, none of those things will happen. You might even die from your broken heart" She's trying to control her tears while speaking.

"I saw her and I saw the mark in her neck. I assumed at the time that you planned that to help her break free from them and I think it worked. Ryujin came back and helped us. You were connected to her so everything you're feeling right now from losing her will stay with you until the day you die. I'm sorry, Yeji. I wish I could help take that pain away from you."