HEEJAKE • HAVING YOU NEAR ME

ix

That you’ll get lost in love

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“I love you, Heeseung-hyung…” Jake whispered as tears continued streaming down his eyes.

Heeseung’s teeth dug deeper into the flesh until he got the taste of iron in his mouth, he finally stopped. He looked up and locked eyes with the younger boy.

“Fuck,” Heeseung breathed as his gaze fell down into Jake’s chest that’s filled with his saliva. There were red marks that can be seen even with the dim light, and some blood staining the younger boy’s skin.

But he didn’t care. Heeseung crawled up again and kissed Jake’s lips but the younger boy pushed him away.

“Did you even listen to what I have just said?” Jake asked, upset. “I said I love you! I don’t know how or why or when, but I do!” He shouted, voice hoarse and tired.

Heeseung’s face remain stoic, with a hint of annoyance after Jake pushed him off on top of him. His eyes kept lingering into Jake’s swollen lips but not caring about the words that slipped from it.

Jake saw the familiar look on the older boy’s eyes, lust, as his tongue grazed his lips wet. He then realized that Heeseung really didn’t care about his feelings and the older boy wanted nothing from him but his body. Of course, it hurt. It’s more painful than every cut his lips had, than every bruises and wound his body had.

With another set of tears leaving Jake’s eyes, he leaned in and complied to the look of lust Heeseung was giving him. But his lips met Heeseung’s finger instead, pushing him a bit harder away.

“Stop,” Heeseung sternly said before he stood up from the bed. Heeseung silently walked towards his closet and pulled out something to wear before he left the room with no other words, not even giving the younger boy a single glance.

Jake only watched and followed Heeseung with his eyes until he disappeared on the door. His tears fell uncontrollably in his eyes, drowning him in pain and regret.

He expected this to happen but he didn’t know it would be this painful.

He expected Heeseung to walk away from him and that the things between them will automatically come to an end, and that his happiness will disappear completely. Everything they’ve shared will only remain as something that is painfully happy memories.

No more nights to spend inside the older boy’s embrace, melting in his kisses and touch. No more love bites, purple marks, painful cuts, ugly scars and hand prints. No more stinging ass and sinful noises filling the silence of the room.

No more lust that would dominate and use his body, all because of an I love you.

He was so lost in love that he completely forgot the fact that Heeseung was only using him- abusing him.

Sunghoon was right to call it a sexual abuse, but Jake made a point when he said it was not because he liked it. He gave permission to Heeseung to abuse him.

All those painful bruises and marks, Jake loved all of it. He loved how Heeseung’s tongue would lick his body wet and suck on his skin until it bleeds. He loved the feeling of Heeseung’s skin against his, being under his spell and hold. Most of all, he loves Heeseung.

But then, everything has ended.

Because all Heeseung could offer is lust.