xxiii

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unedited and i wrote this with half-closed eyes, bear with random errors.

I want you to stay
And never go away

///~~///

Jake's eyes snapped wide open once he felt Heeseung's teeth gets in contact with his skin. He didn't think twice and pushed the older boy away, regretting once he saw the confusion and disappointment in his face after.

Heeseung's eyes soften as he moved back up, meeting Jake's lips and gave him a soft- reassuring kiss.

“I thought this was what you wanted,” Heeseung whispered as his wet kisses slowly moved from Jake's lips to his cheeks, and now the older boy's lips were on his ears.

It had been a week since they re-started their toxic set up to a fresh new beginning. It has been days that Jake craved for this moment to happen, for Heeseung to touch him again with no second thoughts. But last night, Sunghoon came to him and opened up about how happy he was to be with Ni-ki again. Sunghoon finally started showing up his bright personality that disappeared after he broke up with Ni-ki before.

Now, Jake takes the responsibility of keeping Sunghoon's relationship with Ni-ki. The youngest boy was one with his words and Jake was afraid he will really break up with his best friend if they found out he and Heeseung had another rough night.

Although this was to Jake's liking, Sunghoon will never buy that reason. He will only think that Jake was covering up the situation again.

He heard Heeseung heaved a sigh before he felt a weight lifted from atop his already naked body. Jake silently watched as Heeseung took his phone on the side table and wordlessly left the room with only his underwear on, as the younger boy felt guilty and hurt. It looked as if Heeseung didn't even care of the reason why he acted that way, nor even ask if something was wrong.

The past few days, Heeseung's caring side have shown and the younger boy at least hope he will handle this situation differently. But he acted like it was still lust that there is between them.

Jake couldn't hold back his tears anymore and cry it out silently on the bed, alone and naked.

///~~///

“I suppose you at least asked-”

“Ask what?”

”Oh my gosh, you're a stupid bitch! All you know is how to ruin things!”

“Just tell me what the fuck did I do wrong,” Heeseung growled on his phone, feeling impatient.

“First off, don't give me attitude if you're asking for my help.”

“Sun, seriously,” Heeseung said.

“Okay, although everything you do is probably wrong, I don't think it's about it. Jake-hyung can have personal burdens too, so you should've asked before you got annoyed and left him hanging,” Sunoo said from the other line. “Wait, you're not drinking again are you? If you are, stop it before you get drunk again. You've come this far already, don't ruin it in one night.”

Heeseung looked down at the two empty bottles of beer on the sink as another one is on his hand. He didn't think twice and pour the remaining contents of the bottle into the sink before he discarded all three bottles in the trashcan. He then pulled out a stick of cigarette and lighted it up on the gas stove before he placed it in between his lips.

“If I find a course that teach people how to properly show their feelings to their loved ones, I'll immediately put your name in their student list. Honestly, you suck at that,” Sunoo spoke again.

“Thanks, Sun.”

“Now go back to him and ask what was wrong, or if something was wrong, although it's probably late to do that. Bring him something, a food or a drink, whatever and use that as an excuse why you left. But if you think you're drunk, don't even come near him to avoid doing stupid shits you'll regret in the morning,” Sunoo said. “I'm off.”

The call ended, leaving Heeseung staring at the open window in front of him as smoke comes out of his nostrils and lips. He continued inhaling the cigarette, getting addicted to the somewhat mint and bitter after taste of it inside his mouth.

He was thinking of a way how to make it look like he didn't left the room because he didn't know what to do. He was frustrated, annoyed and disappointed to be honest, but it doesn't mean he didn't care about Jake's feelings. Sunoo was right, he was stupid and all he knows is to ruin things with his shitty behavior, but in his defense, he rather left the room with unsaid words than say random stupid things.

He only wants for Jake to stay.

He have manage to keep himself in control for the past few days but the temptation gets stronger, specifically because Jake is asking for it. He gave in and reminded himself to go softer and careful until Jake shows discomfort and unwillingness to continue. Was he not careful enough?

Heeseung heaved another sigh as he put the cigarette back in his mouth.

“Heeseung-hyung?”

He looked up, meeting eyes with Jake who was walking towards him. Disappointment once rushed in his system as he saw the younger boy in full clothes.

Is he leaving?

///~~///

Jake stopped right in front of the older boy. He reached out and takes the cigarette of his lips and placed it on the near ashtray on the counter before he tiptoed and kiss the now, empty lips. Heeseung's hand immediately went on its way to his waist. He pulled away once he tasted the liquor in the older boy's mouth.

“Are you leaving?” Heeseung asked, staring deeply into his eyes but it had no emotions in it.

“You can kiss me instead of smoking,” Jake whispered, leaning in again for another kiss.

Heeseung pulled away instantly, “Are you leaving?” He repeated the question.

Jake stared back at Heeseung's pleading eyes, finally seeing the emotion filling it in.

“No,” Jake finally says, although he already have texted Sunghoon that he'll be back home tonight. “Kiss me.”

A smile finally grazed upon the older boy's lips before he complied to Jake's demand- kissing him like it's the first time. Guess, Jake has to send Sunghoon another message after this.

some good things never last, fr.

random, but the neighbor's party has finally come to an end. i wasn't able to sleep a wink and i'm attending an early appointment today. f.ck, if i'm not kind enough i will sue them. it's illegal to have a party until past 12mn and it's 2:30 now!

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