𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. ʀ. ʟᴜᴘɪɴ

forty-three

Evangeline laid stiff as a board as she watched nurses at St. Mungo's wrap a blanket over a small form on a padded table across the room for her. 

Steady tears flowed from her eyes, not caring to wipe them away anymore. 

Remus was at her side just like he promised her millions of times before. The only warmth she felt was his hand on top of hers.

A doctor and Lucy were talking to the two, but it was all jumbled in her mind. 

All Evangeline could think was why.

"...  when it happens this far along in a pregnancy it's more referred to as a stillbirth, unfortunately this loss is not born out of anything you've done wrong, Miss Vandeleur."

"I've been keeping a watch on her for ages, just two days ago everything was perfectly fine. Tragedies like this can happen within the blink of an eye, my sincerest apologies for your loss," Lucy sadly said.

"Is there anything we can do?" the doctor questioned. 

Evangeline felt her ears ringing, what were they saying?

When she gave no response, the doctor took that as a cue to leave them be. 

"Would you like to hold her one last time?" Lucy questioned. 

That broke Evangeline out of whatever trance she was in. She blinked more tears away, "what?"

"Hope."

Evangeline weakly nodded as Remus dipped his head down briefly, not caring to hide his sobs. 

Lucy brought Hope over, Evangeline taking her with shaking hands. 

A new wave of cries came from Evangeline as Remus looked at the two. Her lip quivered as she traced a gentle finger over Hope's features, "I'm sorry," she cried out, "it wasn't supposed to be like this."

Lucy left the room, leaving Evangeline and Remus to themselves. 

"Remus, I'm sorry," she cried.

"It's not your fault," he gently assured. He saw the uncertainty in her features, which made his heart break all over again. He gently turned her head to his, "it's not  your fault."

"I was supposed to protect her during this time, I was supposed to keep her healthy and alive and I failed," she said through broken sobs, turning her gaze back to her daughter.

"This isn't on you," he weakly said.

"Merlin, it hurts so bad," she cried, "nothing's ever hurt like this before."

It did. She and Remus both had never felt such pain in their lives. She would bet every dime she had that Crucio didn't hurt like this did. 

Remus gently took Hope from her arms. Evangeline immediately brought the palm of her hands to her eyes, breath shuttering as the tears kept coming and coming. 

She opened her eyes to Remus looking down at his daughter, waves streaming down and falling onto his clothes. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this. 

The world stopped turning, the stars seemed to have misaligned at some point. Everything that was to come was burned, turned to ash within the blink of an eye. 

After sometime of the two holding her, a time that should have been emotional for all of the right reasons, Lucy knocked on the door. 

Evangeline's breathing was still uneven. She continued to draw in deep breaths, her sobs becoming harsher and harsher. 

"Are you ready?" she gently asked, "there is no rush."

She looked to Remus, who was still staring down at his daughter with a tear stained face. He finally looked up to Evangeline, who gave him a weak nod. 

He kissed Hope's forehead, eyes closing painfully. He handed her back to Evangeline, "I'm so sorry my darling," she whispered.

She carefully handed her over to Lucy, who looked to have been crying herself. 

Lucy left the room with Hope and Remus was instantly back at Evangeline's side. He wiped every tear that fell from her eyes, not bothering with her own.

"Nothing feels real," she said, "I just keep hoping I'll wake up and this was one all bad dream."

"Me too," Remus said.

"I failed her."

"No," he said, "Evangeline please, this isn't on you."

Remus' worst nightmare already happened, all he could do now is pray that she didn't let herself fall down the hole of guilt he knew all too well.

"Look at me," he said gently.

She turned her gaze to him. Dazed, blurry, eyes full of pain and guilt.

"I love you," he firmly said, "it shouldn't have happened but it did. I'd give anything to change it but I cannot. You are not responsible for this, I've watched you take care of Hope these past few months in awe at your love for her, and I know you'd give anything to have things be different as well. The fates have decided, it's out of our control."

She shook her head as the door opened. She turned her gaze, letting out a breath at the sight of Asteria.

"Mama," she cried as she walked to the other side of the bed. 

Asteria sat beside Evangeline, letting her throw herself into her mother's arms. 

"I'm sorry," Asteria whispered, petting Evangeline's hair. 

Asteria looked over Evangeline to Remus, who was watching the scene with a broken expression. She looked back down at Evangeline, "it's my fault," Evangeline cried. 

"It's not," Asteria said, heart filling up with guilt and sadness for more than one reason.

"It's not fair," Evangeline wailed, making Remus shutter.

Remus sat back in the chair, Evangeline's cries echoing in his mind. There were images he'd never get out his head. 

She still had to give birth knowing she'd just have to bury her daughter. 

He never thought he'd become a father, never thought he'd have Evangeline back, and never thought he'd be so excited for new life to be brought into the world. New life that was his and hers blood. 

But all of it was gone within the blink of an eye, and there was nothing he could do. 

But oh, what he would give to take it all away from Evangeline.