In The Bird Song | TWD

chapter 9 - doe

Pov carl

My cell is flooded with light and I can here chatting outside, I should have gotten up hours ago but I refuse to greet the new day. I've not left my cell in 5 days not since the Woodbury people arrived I think everyone has been too busy to notice well maybe not everyone, Harlow brings me food from every meal but I don't eat much of it. she originally tried to coax me out my cell and get me to talk but gave up trying on day two. I have chores that I should be doing but I don't care I can't face the outside.

The day the Woodbury people arrived I made eye contact with a woman; she had his eyes and his hair. Then I started seeing the boy in everyone I convinced myself anyone of them could be the boys kin. I killed a boy because I thought it was necessary However now all the new people came and he could have been one of them if I hadn't robbed him of the chance. If I hadn't robbed him of his life.

Dad took my gun away and I know why but it still makes me feel ill to think of how my dad must see me, does he see a lose canon or a hazard when he looks at me or does he just see a murderer.

I know eventually someone other than Harlow will notice my disappearance or maybe they already have and just want rid of me. I don't really care as long as nobody comes and try's to force me out my cell.

The only person who I think could understand is Harlow but even then our situations are so different. Harlow became a killer to protect others from a sick bastard who attacked her sister. I became a killer when I shot a scared teenager fleeing from battle.

I used to be so sure I was one of the good guys but now I'm the opposite I'm a monster no better than the governor himself. I'm rescued from my thoughts when Harlow comes into my cell and sits on my bed. she hands me a bowl of cereal apologising "sorry it's a bit late for breakfast but I had to wait for everyone else to eat so I didn't draw attention by pouring two bowls. I assume you don't want people to notice your hiding."

I nod my head in thanks and accept the bowl although I don't intend to eat it. We sit in silence for about an hour before Harlow asks "are you ready to talk about why you're hiding here." When I don't answer she continues "I'm going to assume this is about the boy you killed."

I wince at the bluntness of her statement but I'm grateful she isn't dancing around the topic if she was, I would feel worse. "Look carl I can't help you find a way to live with what you did that's something you need to find on your own, just know that you do deserve to live. You did what you did because you thought you had two not because you wanted to and that makes all the difference."

Harlow stands up to leave giving my hand a squeeze before she leaves. I watch her go and I'm left with just my thoughts for company, I think about what Harlow said. I just don't know if I can find a way to live with myself after what I did.

***

Pov Harlow

everything is getting to much, I just left carls cell and although I tried, I don't think I helped. Truth, is I don't know how to help carl through this and I'm worried about him.

On top of that everything is so busy now at the prison I never did well with noise and crowds before all this and the apocalypse hasn't changed that. I find my feet leading me to the back of the prison without conscious thought.

When I get there, I find Daryl working on his bike I decide I don't care he's there and I sit on the ground exhausted. The air smells of nicotine because Daryl's smoking, I haven't had the urge to smoke since the world ended but the smell brings me back and suddenly, I'm desperate for a cigarette.

"Daryl, do you think I could get a smoke." Daryl looks startled clearly not having noticed I was even there, he shakes his head and says "you're just a kid, I ain't going to be responsible for you getting hooked to these things." I sigh and protest "I've already smoked though an older girl at the prison sold them."