In The Bird Song | TWD

chapter 16 - everything and nothing

TW: Depictions of self-harm and suicidal ideation.

Michonne Pov

I stare helplessly at the smoking rubble unable to accept what it means because Harlow, a girl so full of life and fire who has survived so much can't be dead. yet somehow, she is and it hits me all at once that I've lost another child because despite Harlow not being mine I loved her as if she was.

pain rips through me and I fall to the ground in anguish as aggressive sobs rack my body. I will never hear Harlow's laugh again or see her smile and I will never be able to hold her in my arms again. I failed to protect her and now she will never get the chance to master medicine like she planned and she won't ever be able to finish what she started with carl. How can it be only a couple days ago that she was confiding in me about boys like a normal 13-year-old and now her body is buried where I can't reach.

Harlow deserved so much more in life than what she was given. For so long she lived as a caged bird only to be set free into a world of death and cruelty. Harlow should have been able to find true freedom but instead she is crushed under the very walls that tried to hold her. She will forever be trapped never truly free.

I let my son die, now I've let Harlow die and I will never forgive myself. My mind is plagued with questions that will never have answers like was it quick? was she in pain before it happened? did the man that took her manage to touch her before she met her end? Was she scared? How much did she suffer? I pray that her death was quick even though I know it most likely wasn't. my heart aches at the thought of Harlow being frightened and having nobody to comfort her and hold her through the pain.

The agony that fills me intensifies the longer I think about Harlow and I know the only thing that will make it lessen is having her back in my arms where I can protect her from harm. My heart aches with loss and I scream for the girl I lost.

***

Daryl Pov

broken pieces are all that's left of the building Harlow was dragged into. my first instinct is to search the other buildings around for sign Harlow was taken somewhere else before her prison exploded but I know I would find nothing. There isn't a reason that Harlow would have been put somewhere else when the building she was dragged into was clearly intended to hold her.

I'm overwhelmed by a level of grief I've only felt once before and it doesn't make sense that I'm feeling it again because the last time I felt like this was after merles death. Merle was my brother; I knew him from the day I was born so it made sense when I felt this insane grief after he died but why do I feel the same grief for a girl who I haven't known long and that I have no relation to.

Carl is screaming for someone to help him dig through the rubble to get to Harlow and he's acting like he believes Harlow is still alive. Michonne screams an eerily familiar scream, it's the same scream carol made when I held her as she watched her dead daughter walk out that barn. It's the scream of a mother who just lost a child and it's a sound that nobody should know.

I can't allow myself to fall apart because if we don't move now more walkers will swarm us. I've been able to bottle away my feelings since I was a kid so I do the same now forcing down the pain that's threatening to overwhelm me so I can focus on what needs to be done now. most of the group are fighting off the walkers around us protecting Michonne, me, rick and carl as we process our loss and they won't run until were ready. Someone needs to get through to carl so I turn to his dad telling him "Rick, you focus on getting the kid out of here however you can and I will make sure the rest of us follow."

Rick snaps out the trance he seemed to be in and runs over to carl, he tries to reason with him but the kid is clearly to consumed with grief to think rationally and he refuses to leave Harlow's side even in death.