In The Bird Song | TWD

chapter 45 - Ashamed, To Be Or Not To Be

Harlow pov

I wake up still curled up in the armchair much to my confusion. Some point after Deanna left I must have nodded off but judging by how unrested I feel and the distinct lack of dreams its safe to assume It wasn't a very deep sleep. slowly I uncurl my body causing me to wince pitifully as my joints click and pull themselves back into place. With a sigh I stand up only narrowly avoiding stepping on posy who is curled up at the foot of the chair.

I look around the room taking in the mess I've created in the few hours I have been on my own. The book shelf is in disarray with half its tomes splayed open and littering the floor. The armchair cushions are dilapidated and misshapen from there I sat and there is a knife sticking out the armrest. my eyes land on the half-eaten casserole laying carelessly on the floor and I feel both shame and disgust bubble inside me for having eaten so much.

That food could have been stretched to last days but instead I stuffed myself with no regard for anyone else. Izzy will need to eat and I selfishly robbed her of vital nutrition. I resolve to be more careful with food, firmly scolding myself for my own greed. With a sigh I pick up the casserole and rummage in the kitchen until I find what I am looking for. I then wrap the rest of the dish in tinfoil to save for when Izzy wakes up even though the food has long since went cold. I will heat it up later.

After that I busy myself for the next 20 minute with cleaning up the living room and restoring the books to their shelf in some semblance of an order. Just as I have placed the last book on the bottom shelf, I hear the door open and what sounds like two people entering the house.

I feel myself stiffen as I grab the knife from my belt and walk over to the hallway preparing myself to be attacked for the second time today. "HARLOW YOU HERE!" a woman shouts and I drop my shoulders in relief instantly recognising the voice to be Maggie's. "Living room!" I call back feeling myself smile as both Maggie and Glenn appear hand in hand moments later.

The moment Maggie spots me she rushes forward and pulls me into a hug gushing, "We were so worried when carl came into the train car shouting they had you. thank God you are alright." I only freeze at the sudden contact for a moment before relaxing and returning Maggie's hug. I hear Glenn come over and feel him ruffle my matted hair affectionately. "Glad you're here man, things weren't the same without you."

Despite being glad to see them I cannot help feel a little confused at the warm reunion considering I didn't think we were that close before. I always faded into the background with the prison group and there was always a distinct feeling off mistrust with most of them when it came to me. but Maggie and Glenn where never unkind to me, our paths just didn't cross all that much.

Still, I'm glad to see them alive and as in love as ever. I don't know what I would do if Glenn and Maggie split up or lost the other, they have always been proof that people can still fall in love without tragedy even in this world. If the didn't make it there would be no hope for the rest of us.

"I'm glad you found each other" I tell them earnestly as Maggie pulls back from the hug to look at me. "I am to," she smiles looking at Glenn who grins back at her like she holds the sun and the stars in her eyes. "We have been lucky" he says before frowning slightly and turning to me, "I'm sorry haven't been."

He looks so genuine when he apologises that I find myself needing to look away. "You don't need to be, I was alright and I had Izzy, posy, and Ann...." I pause mid-sentence to stubbornly swallow down the lump in my throat. "Well I wasn't alone, not really anyway," I continue doing my best to sound casual. I don't want to be sad right now so I swiftly change the subject saying, "Come sit and you can tell me how you've been," before grabbing Maggie's hand and dragging her to the couch.