In The Bird Song | TWD

chapter 20 - look back and smile

Daryl pov

We're being watched I can feel it. the priest we found today claims he hasn't been following us which is probably true as he has a church that I doubt he has the backbone to part with for long.

Every time I feel like someone's following us I get a twinge of hope that it's her. that she somehow survived and is tracking us just like I taught her to but I know it can't really be her. A good hunter knows when they switch from the predator to the pray and I sure as hell know whatever is following us ain't the latter.

I light another cigarette and continue to keep watch outside the church. The sell of the smoke that used to remind me of my trailer I shared with ma brother now reminds me of the small respites from the chaos of the prison that I shared smoking with the kid. I half expect Harlow to plop down next to me and ask for a smoke with that shit eating grin on her face and for her to snatch up a fag before I can answer.

I never knew what to say to the kid when I wasn't teaching her to hunt or throw knifes. I never knew how to talk to kids at all before her but with Harlow I didn't need to know. She would either fill the silence with whatever was on her mind or we would sit in comfortable silence.

I used to love the solitude of hunting alone but now the silence feels empty and the absence of my hunting partner hurts more and more. I don't know why I offered to take the kid hunting that day back at the prison, it definitely didn't realise how our relationship would grow from that. Now every time I'm in the woods I can't stop myself from looking for a sign of Harlow. It's stupid I know she's dead and I won't find her, it feels like Sophia all over again except this time I ain't fool enough to hope.

I'm on my 5th fag when someone sits down next to me, I close my eyes and just pretend for a moment that the kid is about to ask me for a smoke and start telling me about her day. When my ears are met with nothing but silence I'm forced to come back to reality and accept Harlow isn't here. I turn to face carol who looking straight ahead not facing me.

"Talk to me" carol says and I sigh, I'm really not in the fucking mood "I'm fine" I grunt. Despite me making it clear I don't want to talk she pushes forward anyway "no you're not fine Daryl."

I grunt and do not reply to her hoping that this time she will take the hint and fuck off. after around 5 minutes of me smoking and her faking intrest in the woods around us carol opens her mouth to speak.

"You know when the prison fell it wasn't just me Tyreese and Judith that made it out together. The two sister's lizzie and Mika made it out with us and I promised there dad who was bit by Patrick that I would look after them. I failed. We all found a house surrounded by a field where we could grow crops and for a while we thought the place could be a home."

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose before continuing.

"but lizzie she...she wasn't well. She had this thing where she believed walkers were just different from humans and that maybe they were better than us. she didn't see them as the dead she saw them as people and when I found out about how she saw them I did everything I could to teach her otherwise. I thought she was getting better so we thought it would be fine to leave her in charge of Judith and Mika whilst me and Tyreese went to get some firewood. When we came home, she had...oh god she was standing next to Mika's body smiling holding a bloody knife in her hand. She didn't understand what she had done. when she saw we were upset she tried reassuring us that she didn't get her brain so she could come back.

She said she was just about to help Judith change as well but Tyreese took the baby away. Lizzie got upset and asked if I was mad at her, she was heartbroken at the thought of disappointing me. I told her it was okay I wasn't mad, later we went on a walk and I told her to look at the flowers, once her back was turned I..." carol pauses for a moment and I spot her quickly wiping a tear away before she continues.