Lee Tennyson

The crazy mafia was in love

Lee-

I sat near his bed waiting for him to wake up. He wasn't moving and it scared the shit out of me. Now that I've tasted one's love and affection, I don't think I can live alone anymore. I don't know when Jordan has become a huge part in my life and it's getting hard for to me sustain without him.

The man whom I thought was worthless seemed to be the reason of my sanity. I would've lost myself in this blunder if not for him, knowing that someone is waiting for you when you reach home, knowing that someone would wrap all your wounds, someone who would stand like a wall to save you.

He was that someone to me, I was wrong all along, I was fully aware of the fact that he isn't the murderer after some time but I couldn't give up on him, I can't let go of him. I'm being too selfish and knowing that it's wrong, I still can't be selfless.

Losing him would mean I'm losing myself and I want to be mean when it comes to him, Lee can be selfish for Jordan. I'm not a saint and can't think of others happiness, if I get the chance, I'm going to take it and if I don't, I'll probably snatch it.

The thoughts of losing Jordan were making me go crazy, I had something in my heart for him but couldn't just accept it yet. What he did was huge and enough for me to open my arms for him but I thought it's wrong to have feelings for someone else.

I didn't want Jasmine anymore but somehow felt that she was still manipulating me, her betrayal broke me into pieces and I felt I shouldn't love anyone anymore. My heart was severely beating for Jordan but my conscience didn't let me approach him.

He wasn't even saying anything, how can I possibly know what he is thinking? He would hug me as per his wish and then push me away like nothing ever happened, even if I approach him how do I know I'm not going to be rejected?

But weren't his actions speaking for itself? He knowingly took a bullet for me, he feels something for me, right? If I were to take a bullet for someone, I wouldn't do it. Would I? If it's Jordan, then? I don't want him to die instead of me, he shouldn't have done that. I'm not thankful or happy by the way things are going in my life, the only one person who wanted me to live was now lying on the bed.

I kept on looking at him, Clark would come and go doing his things and I wouldn't even bother moving, I knew he gave up somehow and won't be hitting on Jordan anymore but was still giving me weird looks. Was it because I was here from past ten hours?

I wasn't starving, I just wanted him to wake up and tell me he's fine. I don't want anything else just his well-being. I was angry at him but couldn't shout, I was dying to kiss him but couldn't kiss, I wanted to confess my love to him but couldn't confess. Taking a step in his direction seemed like betraying my morals.

How could I possibly kiss him when, it feels like a sin now? Feelings for Jordan were growing as minutes passed by but I still couldn't make out if I should tell him how I feel? Even if I did, he would think that it's just because he saved my life and I feel sympathetic.

I wronged him but he still chose to stay by my side, then why is it so hard for me to do what my heart wants. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep but didn't want to miss the opportunity when he wakes up. I tried to stay awake and started playing with his blanket, I would hold its corner and roll it around my fingers.

I don't know when I fell asleep but saw a blanket around me after opening my eyes the next morning, I looked at him and he was awake too. It couldn't be him, right? He can barely move, who else is falling in love with me in this mansion? Only love letters are left, it would be a perfect college romance.

He was smiling and taunting me as usual and it felt like home, he was finally back and I was sane, but I couldn't enjoy my happiness any longer remembering what he's done. I wanted to yell gravely but chose to keep my voice down.