Lee Tennyson

If only I died

Lee-

"If you want to kill me, do it now and bury me right here near my mother's grave." He said and looked at me while I was lying on the floor.

I couldn't understand a word he said as it didn't make sense, he started walking away from me and I couldn't stop him. Was this his plan to escape, he doesn't love me and was trying to run all this time. He used me?

"Where are you going?" I cried while he was leaving.

"Jordan, wh—where do you think you're going? You are going to leave me too?" I yelled again trying to suppress me teary and broken voice, watching him leave was the worst thing that could happen to me. I recalled when he was trying to resist those chains but couldn't leave because of me.

I probably felt the same pain he had gone through, but I can't lose him not when he's the only hope I have. I stood up while running into his direction as he was walking away from me.

"Ahhhh!" I yelled because of my ineptness as I tripped while running to catch him, I felt blood trickling from my elbow and knees but the real agony was in my heart. He was still walking like nothing happened and didn't care turning around and have a glance at me.

"Jo—Jordan, please don't walk away from me."

"I'm sorry, I'm--- sorry Jordan." I yelled again and ran without minding the blood, I hugged him from behind and he stopped for a while, my arms were locked not letting him escape and he tried really hard to move his shoulders in order to break free, he didn't stop moving neither wanted to face me, I could only hear him sighing at me trying to suppress his anger which was going to burst out in a few seconds.

"I'm sorry, Jordan." I said as tears rolled down from my eyes, I kept my head on his shoulder and I started crying horribly, I couldn't imagine he would walk away from me like this, when everything was starting to make sense. The pieces I collected after my father's death, were again scattered everywhere and Jordan was walking on them as he left me. I was still holding him in my embrace but he didn't stop moving.

"Kill me, that's your plan after all." He said in anger. I was shocked after hearing his words as I didn't have the slightest idea of what he was talking about, I never intended to kill him, why was he saying so?

"What? Why would I kill you?" I said and gripped my hands around him tightly.

"I heard him saying, it's your plan to kill me here." He said and I got surprised to the extent that my veins started exploding, how am I supposed to kill the only person I want to live for?

"Who?" I said and loosened the grip from his waist, I stood right in front him as I wanted to talk face-to-face. I held his hands and peered down on the floor because I didn't want him to see me crying.

"Enough with your bullshit, Lee. Don't you think I've had enough? How am I supposed to trust a scumbag like you, when all you've given, me is pain?" he said jerking my hand off and I couldn't match his eyes. I knew he was right; I caused him pain and ruined his life but I still can't let him go.

"You just wanted to fill the empty space as people close to you died, I'm nothing more than that, a rebound." He said and I again felt tears in my eyes. Nothing felt this painful ever, he was taking it all wrong and I could only see myself on edge.

"No, you weren't a rebound, you were my hope I clung onto. You were the reason why I wanted to wake up. You were the reason behind my smile, Jordan. You weren't a substitute, I---" I said taking a step in his direction, and cupped his face in my hands while looking him in the eyes.

"What about my smile? I had to give up on something I lived for, what about that?" he said again walking backwards, how am I going to explain everything inside my heart if he's going to be like that. The only thing I knew was that I can't let him go, call it obsession or madness, I don't give a fuck.