lucky star // jamie drysdale

20

KENDALL

It's been a week.

A week with zero calls and zero texts from Connor.

A week since Connor overdosed.

And it still doesn't feel real.

His brother called a few days ago to ask if I had any photos for the service. We sat on the phone and talked for two hours. I hadn't talked to Andy since the before the break up, I missed him. He and Trevor had been in the same grade growing up, so he's always felt like another older brother.

Mallory has also called or texted every day, checking in on me.

Trevor apologized for his dramatics, but he's still annoying.

And Jamie has been just perfect.

Every night of the last week he's snuck into my room after Trevor's gone to bed and just holds me until I fall asleep. He's let me just cry it out, he's listening to me ramble, he's let me do whatever I need to do to process this.

"Ken?" Trevor's voice comes from inside the house.

I'm laying outside tanning but left the sliding door open and just closed the screen door.

"Mhm?" I shade my eyes looking towards the house. He's walking towards me, sitting down beside me on the grass.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Trevor asks, "There's still open seats on my flight."

He's flying back to New York for a week and feels bad leaving me here 'alone'.

I decided not to go because the whole point of me leaving for the summer was to get away, not to leave and visit for a week.

Plus him leaving means Jamie and I get the house to ourselves for a week before he leaves to spend the last month of their break back home in Toronto and I go back home to New York.

"Positive," I nod, "I'll be back there in three weeks."

"Any update on the service for Connor?" He asks cautiously.

I lay my head back down, my arms crossed under my head.

"Last time I talked to Andy he said they weren't even sure if they're going to do anything anymore," I sigh, "He said their Mom has barley left her room since it happened so planning anything has been hard but he's trying."

Trevor just lets out a deep sigh, laying down on the grass beside me, "What a fucked up situation to be in."

"You hated Connor, didn't you?" I ask looking over at him.

"I didn't hate him but I knew he wasn't good for you," Trevor admits, staring up at the clear sky.

"Why?" I've wanted to know forever. I always knew he didn't approve of him but was it just a protective big brother thing or something else?

Trevor takes a deep breath like he's debating about telling me the truth or not.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Just tell me please," I ask.

"Why? It doesn't matter anymore," he looks over at me.

"Because as much as you annoy me, your opinion matters to me," I admit. It sounds so stupid out loud but his opinion does matter to me, and always has.

And in true Trevor fashion that goes right to his head. A big smile takes over his face, "I'm like your idol, huh?"

"No you're not," I glare at him, "Now answer my question."