Our Strange Love

Chapter 43

I can't make this. Eran flipped a page of the cookbook that sat in his lap. Not this. He turned to the next page. No way. Next page. Impossible. He tossed the book of 'Easy Recipes' on the coffee table, then decided to hide it under the couch. He slid it halfway under. Ah, but if we make out on the floor, he'll see it. Eran shot upright. What am I thinking? Making out on the floor? Feeling conflicted, Eran bit his lip as he thought about his plans to cook dinner for Riley. He'll get cocky. But I love him. I'm being immature. But I can't spoil him; he'll feel burdened.

Eran's phone rang, and he reached across the coffee table quickly in case it was Riley. Eran clicked his tongue in disappointment. He answered Elias's call anyway.

"Where are you?" the man asked.

"At home."

"Good. I want you to sit down."

Eran considered himself sitting down enough already. "Um, okay."

"Seriously, sit down."

Eran stood up and sat on the couch. His tone is strange.

"Take a few deep breaths."

Eran rolled his eyes but then realized, if Elias was acting this way, whatever he was about to say probably was serious. So he took two deep breaths. "Okay."

"Somehow, Riley found out about Jamee."

Eran froze and his heart started to beat faster. But... I knew that if I didn't tell him myself, he'd eventually somehow find out... He closed his eyes.

"It was Tate. I'll talk with Tate if you want. Anyway, I wanted to warn you..."

"How much does he know?"

"About?"

"Jamee..." What else?

"Hm, pretty much everything."

Eran's voice dropped to an insecure mutter, "Is he on his way here?"

"The way he left, I really have no clue where he's planning on going."

"I see..."

"Talk to him properly, Eran. If you're serious about being with him."

"...Ah—"

"Mentee's here. I've got to go."

"Uh, thanks."

"I owe it to you. See you." Elias hung up.

Owe it to me? Eran realized that meant part of what Riley knew was on account of Elias.

Eran sat on the couch, waiting patiently for Riley. The young man finally showed up a bit later than if he had come straight home from the uni, but too soon to have gone to Jay's place.

Riley didn't speak a word about Jamee. He must want to wait until later, at a better time, Eran assumed.

The next 45 minutes carried on as normal, except for the fact that they'd exchanged no affectionate touches since Riley first walked through the front door.

As Riley stood in the kitchen preparing dinner, he spoke to Eran who sat reading, but not really reading, a book on the couch. "I'm going to Jay's."

Eran clenched his teeth. He really is running away.

Once Riley finished cooking, he grabbed his bookbag.

He's not even staying for dinner. "When will you be back?

"When Jay and I are done studying. Though we might hang out too."

Eran followed Riley to the entrance, wondering if Riley would hug or kiss him like normal or if he should kiss or hug Riley himself. Feeling like being rejected was much worse than being neglected, Eran left the choice to Riley.

Eran felt anticipation as he saw Riley's hand move. His warm, gentle hand stroked Eran's hair and cheek. Eran was about to close his eyes in comfort when he noticed the sad look Riley was fighting. Should I ask what's wrong? If I initiate... No—Maybe Riley needs more time to think. Will he tell Jay? He probably won't since it's a big secret.

The door latched shut and Eran was left in the entrance-way alone.

Sluggishly, he made his way to the couch, sat down, and fought the tears that threatened to spill.

If I lose Riley, I'll die, Eran thought, but soon mentally retracted the statement with determination. Instead, he'd spend the rest of his life trying to win Riley back.

Riley's irreplaceable. It has to be Riley. Eran was now starting to doubt himself. But why? Did it really have something to do with Jamee? He realized that he had been avoiding thinking about the role Jamee played in their relationship. It was true that in the convenience store, Riley looked like a taller, darker Jamee at Eran's first glimpse. But Eran had quickly realized it was only the hair and eyebrows that had any resemblance. He remembered feeling sad and disappointed with himself at his lingering thoughts of Jamee and still getting involved with kids who were acting improperly.

At that time Eran didn't notice the gut feeling of having witnessed someone interesting like Riley. When Bubba said Riley wasn't like Jamee, I knew that. Yet, he again wondered if that was, in fact, a reason playing in his subconscious. Back then, Eran had felt an unknown desire to see Riley again and know more about the young man.

At some point, Riley had taken up all of Eran's attention—he wanted to save Riley from becoming more delinquent. Rapidly, it had become increasingly less about repenting for Jamee and increasingly more about caring for Riley.

I started to like being around him and I grew attached... to the comfort that I felt with him. But... there was some discomfort... Oh—Eran realized only now, it was the discomfort of growing attached... and falling in love.

Eran buried his face into a pillow. Riley probably thinks he's a replacement for Jamee. "But he's not," he said aloud, muffled by the fabric. "I love you and I don't even think about Jamee anymore!" he continued loudly, voice still dulled by the pillow. "Jamee has nothing to do with our relationship," he then mumbled sadly. He turned on his side and stared at the fabric on the back of the sofa. This isn't right, I need to tell these things to Riley... But when will he come back so we can talk? Because without Riley... Eran clenched a fist against his chest. It feels like I'll die.