His lips were soft at first, before a roughness took over and he pressed his body to mine. My hands instantly go to his hair as he cups my cheek with his hand as the other turns into a fist next to my head.
A sigh leaves his mouth, like this is som...
"It is a terrible thing to be so open: it is as if my heart put on a face and walked into the world." -Sylvia Plath
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I should have just told her.
The next day, after I've had time to sleep on it, I realise that it was stupid of me not to tell her the truth. I should have just spit it out and not have been so reluctant to tell Leona about my past.
Leona was able to open up to me about her father and what her mother did to her, but I couldn't even tell her about an ex girlfriend? Talk about pathetic.
I shouldn't feel guilty for speaking to Devyn about it, but I do. And, now that I'm in the right state of mind and neither Leona nor Meredith are fogging my thoughts, I feel as though I shouldn't have trusted Devyn with the truth. I don't know her, and I don't know what narrative she might spin on my truth.
So, yeah. I've royally fucked the one constant in my life, and I don't think I can fix it. Now, I'm back to tutoring her for a few more days until her exam is here. And, by the end of this upcoming week, Leona might never want to see me again.
The thought of that, weirdly, scares me. Never seeing her again. Or at least, seeing her around but not having her. Seeing her other people. Other men. Oh, God. I think I'm going to be sick.
I quickly enter the classroom where me and Leona have our tutor sessions and crouch over the bin, breathing heavily so that I don't vomit out the contents of my stomach. I lift the bin into my arms and sit against the wall, holding the bin in front of me in case I throw up.
I'm practically hugging it to my chest because being sick is the worst feeling in the world, and it always makes me cry. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, not letting any tears leave my eyes. I'm not going to cry. Especially, because Leona might walk in at any moment, and-
"What are you doing?"
I open my eyes to see Leona standing at the doorway, her hand on the doorway and her eyes wide with worry. "Are you being sick?" She asks. "Because if you are, I cannot handle it-"
I quickly get up, slowly placing the bin back onto the floor. "No." I assure her. "No, I'm not sick. I mean, I was feeling sick, but I haven't done anything."
"You were feeling sick? Don't you think you should go home? We can always cancel-"
"No." I say. "We've missed enough lessons as it is, and your exam is in a week." I say, like I needed the reminder. It's much less of a countdown to her exam, but more of a countdown to losing her. I don't want to lose her. God, I'm going to be sick again.
"I know, but if you're not feeling well..." She trails off, grimacing.
"Alana, I'm totally fine." I say. She arches her eyebrow and I sigh before pulling out a chair for her. "Sit down." I say, and Leona hesitates before she walks forward, sitting down. My fingers accidentally graze against her neck as I pull in her chair, and her intake of breath shows me that there might be more to Leona's feeling than she's letting on.
