Chapter 38

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"And like the moon,
we must go through phases of emptiness
to feel full again."
-Unknown

I jump into the scalding hot water, letting it soak my hair

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I jump into the scalding hot water, letting it soak my hair. I close my eyes and lean my head back, the burning sensation wrapping around my face. The remains of last night's make-up was still smudged over my face, so I scrub until I finally feel clean.

The tears fell after a few minutes. My whole life feels so shit. The only good thing is Preece, and even then, I'm not sure what's going on. I still want an explanation, and I feel stupid for sleeping with him without a second thought.

And my mum, who wants my forgiveness, but was willing to throw my father's death in my face to get a reaction from me or Preece. And, I want nothing more than for everything to be okay between us, but she hates me. I know she does. She looks at me like she would rather I be dead than her husband. What she doesn't know is that everytime I look in the mirror, I don't see myself. I see a killer.

I prefer to keep deluding myself and pretending everything is okay, because at least I can carry on thinking my life is perfect and nothing is falling to shit.

When I hear a small knock on the door, I wipe my tears away with the shower water as the door creaks open. "Alana?" I hear Preece say, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know why I was so scared, because Prima never walks into the bathroom if she hears that the shower is on. "Why do you never lock the door?" He asks, and although I can't see him, I hear him walking around and locking the door.

"Because it's only ever me and Prima here." I say, running my fingers through my wet hair. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you." He says.

"And you couldn't tell me when I got out of the shower?" I chuckle, and Preece pulls back the shower curtain. His eyes greedily scan over my body before they land back on my face. He's shirtless, but he's still wearing them damn slacks. "Take those off." I say, gesturing to his trousers. "Get in."

Preece grins, undoing the belt and pulling down the zip, stumbling out of them and joining me in the shower. I stare up at him as he inches closer to me, the water wetting his hair and dripping down his chest and abs.

"I wanna..." He says, before looking down at his feet. He glances at me before shaking his head. "I wanna tell you." He says. I tilt my head in confusion.

"About what?" I ask, and it finally clicks. He wants to tell me about Meredith. About his past. If he tells me he cheated on her, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know if I could forgive him, even though it wasn't me who was hurt by his actions. "Oh." I say. "You wanna tell me about..."

He nods his head. "And, I wanna tell you now, before I lose my nerve. You know, it's a pretty hard subject for me to talk about because she was my first love, and I didn't know how to handle a relationship." He says, and my heart breaks a little, knowing that he's already had his first love.

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