ROGUE| DICK GRAYSON

xxv. pre-paid therapy

"I can only imagine how hard that decision was for you." 

Rowan sat in a green chair, across from Black Canary. This session was supposed to discuss how they were after the whole 'failsafe' mission. Rogue thinks this is utter cow shit, though.

The young girl rolled her eyes, "Cut the crap, Canary. Stop treating me like I'm one of your crazy patients." She moved in the chair so her head was resting on one arm of the chair and her feet dangling over the other.

Canary sighed and placed her notebook on the side table, "Rowan, I've known you since you were born. I understand that you've had a hard life." The girl rolled her eyes again, "I can help you with that. But, if you don't want to talk to me, you can discuss it with the team—"

"I'm not saying shit to them." She crossed her arms, "I'm so sick and tired of you treating me like I'm a ticking time bomb."

The blonde leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, "Then how would you like me to treat you?"

Rowan clenched her jaw, "Like a human being; like a normal teenage girl."

"But, you're not a normal teenage girl. You have a fate made by The Gods—"

Without hesitation, Rowan stood up, anger coming off her in waves, "Is that all I am meant to be? Just a girl that was made for The God's use? I'm supposed to be shipped off in three months and I have no way out. So, stop telling me that you can help me. You can't!"

"I understand that you're scared, It'll be okay—"

"Stop it!" Rowan heaved in a breath and ran her hand through her brown locks. Canary was seriously pissing her off. Her voice lowered back to normal, "You're my Godmother, not my shrink. So, stop talking to me like I'm a baby." Rowan's heart stopped beating so fast and she slowly sat back down. She was done with everyone. She didn't want to die or kill herself. No. Rowan just wanted to disappear for a little till she felt okay again. "Canary, I'm scared," The girl finally admitted, "I'm scared that if I let my guard down one more time, everything will come crashing down and I don't know If I can survive that. But, at the same time, I lost hope. My best friend is not who I thought he was. My father killed my mother. My mother was a selfish drug addict and I stole my sister's fate. So, please—I'm begging with you here—please don't tell me it'll be okay because it's not and it will never be okay. I'm only fifteen and I have killed more people than I could count and—" Rowan started to feel the panic she felt yesterday. It was getting hard to breathe and her throat felt like it was closing up, "—and my hands are shaking and the walls are closing. And, oh god, I don't want to do this anymore." Rowan felt tears prickle her eyes, but she didn't dare let them fall. She's been weak far too much this past week.

Canary slowly walked over to her, crouched down, and held the girl's face in her hands, "Rowan, can you look at me, please?"

Rowan did as asked and breathed out, "I'm okay."

"No, you're not." Her voice was gentle as she spoke. Canary always wanted a daughter and somehow the one she was gifted, wasn't ever hers to have. The blonde let a small smile take over her face, "I still remember you as the little girl who overwatered plants because she didn't know when to stop giving."

Rowan laughed slightly, "Or, it was because I was a child."

Canary chuckled at her words, "Maybe, but I like my way better." This elicited laughs from both sides.

After she seemed to calm down, they both sat on the ground, their backs against the front of the chair. Rowan sighed and kept looking forward as she spoke, "When I leave, can you promise me one thing?"

Canary hesitated, but ultimately replied, "Anything."

"If-If I ever come back from Olympus," Rowan took a deep breath, "Don't trust me."

The blonde faced the girl with furrowed eyebrows, "Why not?"

"I know myself, Dinah. I know I'll do whatever it takes to survive if there's nobody to stop me." She finally faced the woman, "I was born to kill and survive. I was never made for the normal, apple-pie life. So, believe me, when I say, don't trust me."

Canary took a while to respond to her words, "I won't until I have a reason to, okay?" She moved some brunette hairs being Rowan's ears that were in her face, "You're my daughter, no matter what the DNA says. I would rather trade myself up to The Gods, but I know that's not how it works. So, you better come back to me, okay? Even if not for me, then Robin."

Rowan was slightly taken aback by her saying his name, but she brushed it off to the side. No matter what her father tells her, Canary was her true mother. She's been there since she was born and nobody could replace her. She'd do anything for the blonde.

Just like how she'd lie to make her feel better, "I'll come back, promise."

The brunette sat in her room in the cave, not allowed to go to her own bedroom at her house. She's been thinking a lot about what she wants to leave behind. The girl's already written letters to everyone and made a will.

Rowan was ready to be handed over to The Gods like dead meat. It was as if she was the mouse getting dropped into the snake pit. Rowan's not going to survive this, she's already accepted it.

But, one thing she can't seem to comprehend, is her leaving Dick behind. Every time she thinks about him, her heart seems to clench at the mere thought of leaving him. She doesn't know if she should tell him or if a letter would do.

There's a downside to telling him in person, though. Robin would try to convince her that they could take The Gods, but they can't. And, Robin would be consumed with guilt if he saw his whole world get shattered by a decision he made. Rowan's doing this for him. She's making sure he doesn't have to live with the guilt she has to live with every day.

A knock sounded on her bedroom door, "Come in."

Robin walked into the room with a small frown. He walked over to the bed and lay down next to her. The boy wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in. Her face was in his chest and she wrapped her arm around his waist.

The boy breathed in her scent, "You okay?"

"If I'm breathing, I'm fine." 

He pulled away and looked down at her, moving some of her hair behind her ear, "You're so cute when you're irritated."

Rowan looked up at him and met his blue eyes, "I'm going to slit your throat." The girl sighed once she saw his expression and snuggled her face back into his chest, "I'm bad at apologizing, so unfuck you or whatever."

Dick laughed loudly at her words, "I can't take you anywhere, Row. You'll just insult everyone."

"Shut up, boy blunder."