his | minsung

23

" I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
I hate you so much I wish you're dead
I hate you so much I wish you're killed
I hate you so much I wish you're in pain
I hate you so much I wish you're out my life
I hate you so much I wish you loved only once in this life time

and I hate you so much for making me fuckd up in the head...

In one moment I love you so much
I could die for.
but in another I hate you so much
I would die for.
If I don't see you in hours I feel like my heart is gonne torn apart, if I lose you out my sigh I know I'm gonna lose it, I'm gonna drive out my mind....I just know it, so please do hurt me, I don't mind, because I just wanna be in your close distance.. "

jisung sobbed while writing, he could barely hold on that pen, shivering, he was crumpled up crying since last night. he couldn't calm down, everything hurted, he needed someone by his side. he opened his phone and stared at hyunjin's text while ignoring his previously unread messages.

" I wish to see you "
: jis

it didn't take a second for hyunjin to reply.

" should I come over? "
jinnie :

" no "
" you can't "
: jis

" are you okay? "
jinnie:

" can you go with me to the doctor this monday? "
: jis

" of course! If there is something you wanna share I am here to listen "
jinnie :

" I just don't feel well "
" I'm in constant pain "
" everything hurts "
: jis

jisung curled his feet and rubbed his eyes while squeezing his stomach. since that day, jisung has been feeling pain in his lower part of body. although having sex with minho wasn't particularly painful, he regretted not visiting the hospital sooner.

" have you take any pills?
" have you tell your mother?
" maybe she could make you some tea to calm you down "
jinnie :

" I should go take something"
: jis

he left the phone, sobbing on the bed with memories of his beloved mother he lost. how should he live? did he deserve to live? she was disgusted by him that's was the reason why she refused to hug and touch him. If they only knew how disgusting my body is, no one besides minho would ever dare to touch me. I can't be clean even if I rub this skin on my body...but I should handle it until it's over, until debt is off our shoulders. I can hold on that longer...I can..

jisung encouraged himself, he believed that he could endure all this pain that he is still going through. he should step over everything else and go through this, but was this all worth?....after parting with minho, what will he have left?

hyunjin, he still have hyunjin after all, hyunjin didn't leave him. he was all that is left to him. aerin passed by his eyes too, aerin was great friend, but he could have her too, he couldn't take her as well, it would be too much for him to have since he didn't deserve any of it.

" Mr. Lee...please accept my sincere apologies for making your yesterday call unpleasant..."

jisung bowed to minho, apologizing. he was wearing a cherry-colored bathrobe, wet hair, and a lit cigarette, that made jisung disgusted again. he gave jisung gentle head-to-toe check, giving him a sign to approach.