ON CUE | HYUNHO ⚘

sixteen.

⚘ I love you? ⚘

This is the second time already. I've known him less than two months, and have hooked up with him twice already. I feel like I should have waited, or should have just not done it.

It's not the sex I regret, no way— the sex was amazing. It's the way that I gave myself to him so easily, that I regret. I didn't know who he was, or what we were, when I gave myself— my full self— to him.

I don't.. regret it...

It's just...

I wish I would have..

I wish we were...

I wish we would have been something,
before we did one of the biggest things we could do.

The water starts to spill out of the pot, and I curse under my breath. I take the pot off the heat, stirring the noodles when they're off the burner. I groan, as the water sizzles on the burner.

Minho comes into the room, chuckling. "Be careful, baby." He says, wrapping his arms around me.

Baby.

There it is again. The mixed signals.

I wasn't his baby the other day when we were ignoring each other. I wasn't when I walked into the studio ever day. I was the one he hated then. I was a punching bag to him then.

Yet now, suddenly I'm his baby. After we kissed in a hallway, danced in the sheets, and said sweet things to each other. I don't know. It's like he only wants me when I want or need him. I think he likes the idea of me wanting him, because he doesn't want me.

His head falls into my neck, kissing the skin. I flinch, leaning away a bit. My whole body tenses up at his sudden affection. I don't know why. The thoughts in my head, and what he is doing— do not mix well.

He notices, lifting his head from my neck. "You okay?" He asks, in a softer than usual voice.

I take a deep breath. "I'm fine." I say.

He pulls away from me completely. I already miss the warmth. I especially miss the warmth when he turns me around, and I see his face. He looks into my eyes, an interrogating look.

"No, you're not." He says, tilting his head. "What's wrong? Did.. did I do something again?"

I bite my lip. "Um.." I say, taking a deep breath. "Let's.. let's just talk about it later." I turn around, going back to the noodles I was making. "We should eat these first, they might become—"

He turns me around again suddenly. He holds me by my waist, looking into my eyes. "No, let's talk now. I can't wait. What's wrong? What did I do?"

I shake my head. "No, Minho.." I pause, looking up at him. "It's not you." I put my hands on each side of his jaw. "It's just.. uh—"

I didn't want to do this now.

I was supposed to be making us a late night snack, after we had a great night. I am wearing his shirt as he slurps the noodles, and I watch him with a smile. That was supposed to be what we do. Not this.

I shake my head. "I don't know. I just think we went a little.. too fast...." I say, carefully.

I feel like if I say the wrong thing, this whole thing will turn the way it doesn't need to go. I don't want to argue. I just want to talk. I want him to understand that.

I want us to restart. I know we have something special, and have done more with each other than most people do— but I don't want us to start this way. We should be slow.. if we are actually going to start something.