time lapse ⇒pietro maximoff

V

Eden

My room began to suffocate me- every passing second felt like bricks piling onto the crest of my chest, weighing me down forcefully, robbing me of a peaceful breath. I could feel the pit of screeching butterflies roar in my stomach, my hands wringing out at my sides as I felt my nervous energy begin to overwhelm me.

I don't know what I'm capable of when I'm calm, quiet, resting. Much less when I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I need air. Get air. Fill your lungs to the brink with fresh oxygen- dispel the cloudy fumes of your uncertainty, your fear, your loss. With that staccato thought I turned my head and glanced over at the large retracting windows on the edge of my room that lead out to a protected balcony overlooking the city. With a short breath to collect myself, and with the tiniest of itches at the base of my wings, I opened the door to the balcony and was bombarded with brisk night air.

The cool rush of air nipped at my skin, cooling me from the outside in. This was possibly the best decision I've made since the moment I arrived here. My bare feet touched the cold ground of the balcony causing my skin to erupt into a prickly flurry of goosebumps, and I closed my eyes to take a deep breath in and out.

My heart eventually began to slow down, and I could feel the retraction of the nervous energy that was pulsing through me. I really needed to get a grip over myself - this was almost embarrassing at this point. I'm being ruled by my fear, my anxiety. It was overdue for me to let all of it go; shed the ghost of my past and don the new aura of my present.

Absentmindedly, I wandered over to the balcony railing and placed my arms on top of it- giving myself some leverage. I could hear the distant sounds of the city all around me, surrounding my senses with flickering lights, the occasional spritz of wet concrete and smoke, and the sharp prickle of the air. The combination of the sensory contributions all brought me screaming into this present moment- this was my life.

I don't remember the prodigal girl who'd emerged from a life of hardship and turned it around for herself. She was making a name for herself- she was proving to all of her tragic memories of her past that she wasn't going to succumb to anyone or anything.

But she died.

What I do remember is the scaffold of the life she left behind for me to piece together. It was easier to think of myself as two distinct people in that regard. I understood the psychological implications of divorcing my past from my present reality like this but conventional mentality be dammed. There was Charlotte, and now there is Eden. I understood that these were my memories but in a sense, I saw them through the eyes of someone else. 

As I lost myself in thought, I did what only had felt natural to me, as if I'd been doing it my entire life. I flew.

I carefully stood up on the balcony railing, and leaped slightly and I heard a yell as I began to free fall through the thick and billowing air, trusting my wings to catch me in flight. It was an unspoken bond between my wings and I - I didn't need to read into it any further since the second I'd noticed they were attached to me. An extension of myself- thinking and calculating.

The crisp night air whipped all around me, surrounding me into a tunnel of rushing delight. I was soaring through the air at such a speed that the air began to feel so thick around my skin, the feathers of my wings ruffling tremendously so. I relished every second of the absolute liberation I was enjoying. I flew just in the air space in front of the tower and around a few neighboring buildings, I don't think anyone really saw.

I could feel the cold begin to wear on my corporealness; my cheeks flooded with crimson heat, my lips rapidly chapped, and my body began to react with signs of fatigue after just only a few minutes of flying. All things considered, I couldn't have asked for a better first flight. My next one will be longer, I'll adapt and adjust.