and, to be honest

00:19

so it's true when people say you can't really move on from your first love.

tinn's in the living room. he has been sitting here for hours, unsure about his feelings. his head replays the same scenario that occured with gun repeat after repeat ever since he woke up and made rice porridge for his friends.

what's his answer to those tears? he's been attracted to gun for as long as he can remember and he can't deny it even during his time in australia. but the chance of ever getting back together with the boy never crossed his mind.

he thought it was completely over. that once you leave a relationship, you can't go back. he thought peoples' feelings die as soon as they separate. this is part of the reason why his only reaction to seeing gun was hating him. he didn't think he had any other options.

when gun confessed, he couldn't move. it's like a wave of shockness chained him because of how unexpected those words were. gun seriously still likes him? he's confused why.

his confusion enabled him to give a proper response. he's never sat down like this to think about his feelings for gun after their breakup. it was automatically dislike, soon hatred, after the boy had left him.

tinn knows how arrogant gun can be so the boy will demand for an answer again sooner or later. what does he respond with? he can't even answer himself.

seeing gun cry over his feelings did something for him. he wanted to reach his hand out and embrace gun, stop him from crying. gun never cries in front of others. so tinn couldn't comprehend just how serious everything had gotten.

he wants to go back and comfort the boy. but is that how you treat someone you don't like? or was he just being nice? do you feel protective, caring and a sense of possessiveness over someone you hate?

the past few months have been filled with so much tension between him and gun. they've argued, they've avoided the other, they've given each other looks and shared words that would kill to do back in highschool.

how is gun still able to like him? and why doesn't tinn push him away the way he strongly claims his hate? maybe he wants gun to fight for him.

tinn slowly begins to realise his words. is this why he's behaving like that? he wants to see gun come closer to him without him asking. it's the sense of trying that he enjoys watching gun do to interact with him.

so he likes gun too? maybe he never lost his feelings. it would make sense if he didn't because despite forgetting gun after the first few months in australia, he couldn't shake off the boy's face on his flight back to thailand. back then he just assumed he was feeling nostalgic.

gun's crying makes him badly want to go tell him he likes him back, just to see the boy happy. but tinn decides he won't answer yet. because clearly he doesn't know how to. he's not sure why he did or does certain things. was it related to liking gun or was he just in the moment?

his unsureness is frustrating him, so having to explain that to gun will be worse. whatever he feels, he's gonna take some time for himself to figure it out.

for now, tinn decided to collect all the things he genuinely likes about the current gun. definitely the boy's face. gun's pretty smile, his soft skin, and those eyes. it's like gun didn't age. or maybe tinn's love for him didn't.

he missed his voice and his scent. they are the most distinct features about the boy that could separate him from a crowd. when they kissed after so many years, tinn didn't feel a change. it was just overwhelming to hold the boy again.

tinn likes the feelings he experiences around gun. whether it's past or present, they have the same affect. he still notices gun's old and new habits during class, just like he used to during the beginning stages of his crush on the boy years ago.