Matt's POV
"Where'd Jess go?" Mia asked me, walking over.
"She left." I'd watched her walk out.
"What the fuck Matt."
"What was I meant to do Mia, make her stay?"
"Ugh I don't know." She said softly. "What are you going to do?"
"Right now." I told her. "I'm going home."
"About Jess, Matt, what are you going to do?"
I was sick of this, I was sick of hearing it. "I don't fucking know okay, I have no idea."
She looked shocked, but I didn't care, it was alright for her to tell me what I needed to do, but she wasn't the one who'd fucked it all up.
"Look I'll see you later." I said, heading to the door. "And congratulations again."
I walked out, glad that I'd decided to drive, I could just go straight home.
God, I thought to myself, even driving was a chore, without Jess in the front seat, chattering away. I wished I'd listened more to what she said now, I really do.
I got home, letting myself into the house, the completely empty house, I hated being here now, everything reminded me of her.
I hadn't moved anything, all of the photos were still in the same place, I didn't want to get rid of them, I wanted to look at her beautiful face as often as I could.
I headed upstairs, having a quick shower and getting changed. I left the bathroom and went and sat on the bed. I looked around the bedroom, it was bare, there were no clothes thrown here or there, Jess always had a problem with putting her stuff away, I used to complain about it, now I missed it.
I opened my top drawer, looking in. There was a picture of Jesika I'd kept in here, but I couldn't find it now, it was one of my favorites and right now I wanted it. It was about 8 years old and I had it in my wallet for ages but a couple of months ago I'd taken it out because I'd found a nice one, a recent one, so I'd put that in my wallet, it was still there and I couldn't see myself taking it out anytime soon.
I shut the drawer, wondering where the hell that photo had gone and went downstairs, getting a drink and turning the lights off.
I climbed into bed and looked at the ceiling. What the fuck was I going to do? I'd ruined everything because I took everything out on Jesika.
I closed my eye's, recalling some of the things I'd said to her, I blushed with shame, I'd never meant a word of it, she was just always here so I took my stress out on her and, oh god, I'd said horrible things. I thought she knew, I thought she knew I didn't mean it, I didn't mean a damn thing, I loved her and I thought she knew that but obviously she didn't.
I rolled over, looking at the empty side of the bed. I missed every single part of her, including the talking she did in her sleep. I would lay here just watching her, listening to her talk in her sleep, smiling to myself and thinking how lucky I was, how perfect she was and how much I loved her. That was the problem, I'd thought alot about how much I'd loved Jesika, I just never told her that.
I reached out grabbing her pillow and pulling it to my chest. I buried my face in it, it smelt like her and it physically hurt.
I needed Jesika.
I just couldn't see my life without her in it, a future without Jess didn't exist.
