closer when we're far apart ; wenclair

017

it had now been a couple days since enid's and wednesday's sleepover. and yet, the event wouldn't leave enid's mind. she would find herself up late at night, replaying the scenario over and over in her head. sometimes she would even attempt to touch her hands the same way wednesday did, but she would never admit it. it was driving her to the point of madness. she was losing sleep over a silly sleepover. and the worst part was she didn't know why.

but instead of sitting around confused and lost, she took matters into her own hands.

the sun had set hours ago. the dorm was dead silent. it was closing in on the end of the week. instead of doing an important assignment that was due tomorrow, enid was up late researching on her computer.

her knees sat close to her chest, with her computer sat atop of it. the bright screen shined against her pale, white face. a blanket protected her body from the cold night air. she hovered her fingers above the keyboard, pausing for a moment.

how do i even word this?

she stared the keys down. her head swirled with possible ways to search how she felt up, yet each one felt ridiculous or led to astray ends. she softly gnawed on her lip.

inspiration eventually struck. her fingers quickly graced the keyboard, anxiously typing. the enter button taunted her, begging to be clicked. some part of her hesitated, not wanting to know the answer. the other part however, was dying for an answer. so, her pointer finger clicked on it.

why do i feel weird around my best friend? was what she had typed into the search bar. now the screen had changed, reloading to show results to her question.

"feeling weird around your best friend might be a sign that you have feelings for them, or because they are a toxic person.." enid softly whispered.

oh.

oh.

she quickly got defensive. i mean, she didn't exactly describe how she felt. weird was a very broad description. plus, wednesday wasn't toxic, and she didn't have feelings for her. so, she assumed the search was wrong and dismissed the rush she felt when she initally saw the word feelings.

now, she was back where she started. her mind tried to think of a more specific way to describe how she felt. once again her fingers found themselves dragging over the keys, drawing for inspiration. as time went on, enid began to get more frustrated. all she wanted was a simple explanation for how she felt.

slowly, she found some way to describe how she felt again.

why do i get excited around someone?

her screen reloaded, and gave her yet another answer she didn't agree with.

"your dopamine levels increase because you have detected something desirable in your enviroment.." her voice read, below a whisper.

her eyebrows furrowed. then, her eyes moved to the website that the answer came from. her heart dropped.

why falling in love gives you butterflies.

her hand swiftly slammed her computer shut, not caring how loud she was being. her heart raced and she began to breathe heavy. there was no way that was true. wednesday was her friend, nothing more.

right?

after a moment, she was able to calm her breathing. hesitantly, her fingers slipped under the screen, wanting to know more. yet, she was still so scared of the unknown. the screen once again, shined against her face. she stared at the screen, wanting to click on the link so desperately. wanting to know the answer so badly. but, she didn't want her friendship to change. she loved the way her and wednesday were. what if this ruined it? she didn't want to ruin it. she couldn't ruin it.

instead of listening to her brain, she listened to her heart. she clicked on the link.

she quickly scanned the article, trying to absorb as much information as she could. there was a lot of science stuff that she didn't really care about as much, but there were multiple mentions of how she felt. increased heart rate, cheeks turning red, nervousness, and so much more. it was like the article was written about how she felt about wednesday.

but, wasn't this how all friends felt about each other? didn't everyone get super excited around their friends? that was what enid had assumed anyways. now that she thought about it more, a realization came to her.

she never felt this way around yoko.

yes, enid knew she loved her to pieces and loved hanging out with her. after all she was her best friend. they hung out so often, and yet every time she was so excited to be with her. but, she never got nervous around her. she never got flustered when they would make physical contact. she never was scared to ask her to hang out. the difference between these two friendships was now crystal clear.

she sat there for a moment, zoning out. her eyes pierced through the screen, not even paying attention to what she was looking at. her hands stayed still right above the keyboard. the room was silent as enid was alone with her thoughts that plagued her mind.

the more she thought, the more she fell down the rabbit hole. she kept replaying wednesday touching her hands over and over. but then it progressed into more. what if they did more than that? her mind swirled with these foreign ideas. a scenario popped in her head where the two were holding hands. the feeling was warm and cozy. her mind, against her wishes, continued indulging in these fantasies. what if wednesday kissed her? the idea of the other girls soft lips touching hers made her face heat up. what kind of kisser would she be? where would she put her hands? these questions regarding wednesday only worried her more.

enid eventually was able to force these thoughts to go away. she sighed and closed her computer for the night. her eyes fluttered shut as she fell back on to her pillow.

that night however was not met with a peaceful sleep. instead, she was unable to turn her mind off from the lingering thoughts. she worried that this night would ruin the rest of the year for her, and wednesday.