Never Knew I Needed (Chaelisa)

Chapter 25

For the next few days before Rosé leaves, I keep my head down and do whatever I can do distract myself.

I work any shifts I can pick up, begging Seokjin for more and pretending like I just need the money; I go on long runs and don't stop until I physically can't breathe anymore; I finish assignments that don't need to be handed in for weeks and I even go as far as cleaning my apartment from top to bottom. Basically, I keep myself and my mind busy and purposely miss phone calls, texting back the people who call me—namely Jisoo, Jennie and Jaehyun—and say that I was in the shower, or I couldn't pick up for some bullshit excuse and I know they don't buy it, but I can't find it in me to care.

It's only the night before Rosé's due to leave, and I'm curled up on the sofa, not watching whatever is on the television that Jisoo rings me insistently—thirteen times, to be exact—that I finally decide to pick up. I groggily reach over, bringing my cell in front of me and stare at Jisoo's name for a long time before I exhale heavily and rest the cell by my ear, letting it balance there as I drop my hand back to the space in front of me.

"Oh great, you haven't been eaten by Alsatians."

I frown, but I can't even be bothered to come up with a witty retort. "Apparently not."

"You could've picked up your phone, you know."

"I did."

"On the fourteenth call," Jisoo deadpans down the line and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, well normal people would take the hint after the third time."

"Then I'm sorry to disappoint you," she replies.

I let out a long, heavy exhale, closing my eyes and shaking my head a little, minding not to knock the phone off my face. "You always disappoint me, so just say what you have to and then I'll get back to watching TV."

Jisoo clicks her tongue at me down the line, but I ignore her. I'm so tempted to just hang up but I know she has something important to tell me by the silence she's now giving me. I've been friends with her long enough to know when she's trying to find the right way to say something difficult; and I have a funny feeling it has to do with Rosé. I'm not sure I want to hear this.

"Just spit it out," I hiss impatiently. I can feel my stomach begin to flutter nervously.

There's a beat of silence before Jisoo just blurts out, "Rosé wants everyone to see her off from her apartment."

I'm sitting upright before I know it, my breath suddenly halting and hand snapping to keep the phone to my ear. "What?" I ask, a little breathless, not quite understanding what I just heard. Her apartment? Why would Rosé want everyone to see her off there? "Why not the airport?"

Jisoo gulps audibly. "She said..." she pauses and I press my tongue to the back of my teeth. "She said it'd be too hard to say goodbye."

"She..." The words catch in my throat and I swallow thickly, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. The news shouldn't really make me feel like this because I know Rosé's still going, she's still leaving and nothing's changed but something about her not being able to say goodbye at the airport because it's 'too hard' gives me a little hope. Maybe she can't say goodbye at the airport because when faced with the pressure, with the final decision and the reality that she's leaving, she'd turn back and not be able to leave. She wouldn't be able to get on that plane.

And okay, I don't know it's because of me, I don't know that it'd be too hard for her to say goodbye to me, but somewhere deep down inside, I suspect it and that thing, hidden away, makes me feel like it is because of me.