All I want is YOU! 💋 ( FIVE)

Babe, it's okay to cry !

Saturday November 3 rd 2020

** Maya felt extremely emotional this morning.... She sort of realize that they will never get to know who Juliette was, never going to see her walk, or talk , just like her survived twin sisters and other siblings... she didn't want to do anything at all except cry all day**

5h38 am

** Carina got up to pick up Londyn and tried to rock her back to sleep, she decided to stay in Londyn's room and not wake up Maya.. **

Carina: hrmmm !  Londyn it's not day time yet , you have to go back to sleep
Londyn : hmm I no tired momma, so I no sleep.
Carina: alright we'll I'm going to sleep.. 
** she closed her eyes while still being in the rocking chair, Londyn was playing with Carina's now short hair**

Momma pretty ... mouahhhh ! ** she kisses her momma on her chest **
Carina : thank you baby girl , you are very very beautiful too , your hair is growing fast huh. ,
Londyn : siiii momma ouhhhhhh wait , mommy is crying momma
Carina : hrmmm what?  No she's not....
Londyn : isssssten momma , we got to go see mommy

7h28 am

** to Carina's surprise Maya was in fact crying **
Carina: hey hey babe, what is wrong?
Maya: I .... I uhhhh don't know why I'm.... I just.......
** Carina knew exactly what her wife needed... so she picked up the reborn baby doll and handed her over to her wife **

Here , this helped me out a lot.... You have no idea how...
Maya: thank youuu....
Londyn : it's okay mommy... shhhhhh
** she rubbed her little fingers up and down on her mommy's shoulders **
Maya: why why ... her ..... why you ?

** She crumble up in a ball and cuddled the doll and went back to sleep, **
Carina: it's okay.... Babe, let it out, it's not good to keep your emotions inside you,
Maya: how can I miss someone i never EVER GOT TO MEET her yet alone CARRIED HER INSIDE OF ME, It doesn't make any sense... why would GOD MAKE US , YOU GO THROUGH THIS, I'm so sorry.... I know it's a long awaited apology, seven years too late, I ... I'm terribly sorry, I never knew how .... I can't even begin to imagine how you felt when you miscarried ....
Carina: babe, I didn't know.... One day she was there , and at 16 weeks gestation..and kicking and everything , and then god apparently had to take her up to her new home, I only knew something had happened because I woke up the next week to some bleeding.... and you... apparently confirmed it with Addison as soon as I delivered their placentas ,
Maya: Yea, I remember, we both freaked out...
Carina: yea, and those things are unfortunately more frequent when the mom to be carried more then ONE BABY AT A TIME, but there's no answer as to why Juliette didn't make it, while Violet and Scarlett did...
And we will never understand why !
Maya: how did you carry on with the pregnancy and so strong?
Carina: babe, I kept thinking positive things knowing that Violet and Scarlett were both okay strong and healthy, that's what kept me going, and your wonderful support,
Maya: right, well I did my best to comfort you , and being attentive to your every need and being aware of your noises , your moans,
Carina: thank youuu, ** she kisses her wife **
Maya: I can't breathe...
Carina: okay.... Shhhhhh everything is going to be okay. Look at me , it's okay to cry ,
Maya: ohhhhhhhhh kaaayyyyyy,

**Maya turned around to face her wife and little princess who had no idea why her mommy was crying she was playing with her mommy's sweater**

Carina: I was wondering when ... it's okay to cry ... I don't remember when was the last time I saw you crying babe! It's a good thing to cry , we shouldn't be ashamed to do it, hell I do it ... every day , and still can't control myself
Maya: yea I know, I'm just not a crier ... except when I saw how drop dead gorgeous you were in your wedding pant suit. And at our children's births....
Carina: yea I know....
Maya: I just hold it in .... That's what—-
Carina: I know .... We will let you get some rest, come downstairs when you are ready, I love you babe,
Maya: okay thank you for letting me live my emotions...
** maya gave her wife kisses and waved bye-bye to her one year and a half year old daughter **

Londyn : bye bye mommy! We love you!
Maya: I love you too little princess!

8h39 am

**Everyone woke up and they were all excited about the weekend, they had nothing planned but they loved to be able to sleep in ... Carina made them breakfast, eggs and bacon with syrup ... and a smashed toast in the middle to make like a sandwich, she's never tried this recipe before, she saw it online **

Chloe: momma, you should add this recipe in your cook book !
Carina: really?
Lorenzo: siiiii , it's delicious!!!
Carina: well grazie , I will !
Violet and Scarlett : yea it was extremely delicious!!
Carina: thank you! Londyn , you have one more spoonful of poorage before you can get out of your high chair and play!
Alessandro: that was yummmmmmy yummmmy momma !!! Thank you!!

** Carina cleaned up everything and let Londyn down , so she could play with her siblings . Carina was surprised to see Kayla and Tristian being up this early **

Kayla : hi momma!
Carina: ohhh hiiii
Tristian : something smells so good, hi momma!
Carina: oh thank you, it's. New recipe I found online , so I thought I'd try it out,
Kayla : yea , well if it's as good as it taste , we'll damn, it's going UP TO MY TOO THREE FAVOURITE MEALS
Tristan: yea same thing for me, you're such an incredible cook momma, is there anything you CAN'T DO ?
**Carina laughed **
Well thank youuu guys ,

10h48 am

Carina: okay Violet , Scarley, do you still want me to trim your hair a little bit ? It does feel nice, it's okay if you don't want me to!
Scarlett : uhhh , how much would you cut off momma?
Carina: you're going to be the one deciding how much I get to cut off, but I do think it's a good idea to get your hair cut.
Maya: yea I agree, here's your cup of tea baby
Carina: ouhhhh thank you Mi amore ! ** she was holding a sleeping Londyn on her, in the toddler carrier **
Hrmmmmm perfecto !
Carina: did you rest like you needed to babe?
Maya: yea, I want to be downstairs with you all ,
** she brought Juliette with her downstairs **
Carina: okay, that's good,
Maya: yea , umm I just need to check some things online
Carina: okay like what?
Maya: I don't know... stuff for the kids outside...

**Maya got on the laptop and decided to buy random things for the kids, they probably didn't need another BOUNCE HOUSE but she's grieving so no one will tell her not too**

Carina: uhhh , okay but dont—-
Maya: ahhhhhh ! I am grieving the loss of our Angel baby, I can do what I want to !
Carina: okay , just not something expensive please we have Alessandro's baptism later this month my love,
Maya: okay, I'll just buy a few playground stuff —— ahhhh and fuck it !!

** Carina came to see if Maya need anything **
Carina: babe, I know you are grieving and I'm not not telling you you have to stop , but I'm not sure going on a SHOPPING SPREE with mixed emotions is the best option my love !
Maya: I know, that's why I'm not buying anything.... I just feel like I want to know Why , god took her up so soon , it's not fair Carina, it's not fair! ** she sat down next to her wife and cried in Carina's chest, Carina consoled her the best she could, she too wanted to know the answer to that question **

15h28
Violet and Scarlett both decided to have their hair cut, therefore Carina did that.

18h39
Maya decided to make some eggs for dinner, she didn't feel like cooking and neither did Carina, the kids were pretty happy with it, Violet and Scarlett were proud of themselves for not moving while their momma was cutting their hair off. Everyone took a bath and shower , and everyone was pretty exhausted so by 20 h every kid was asleep, Londyn would get her evening feed in a two hours , she's sleeping now because she really really was tired.

22h21
Carina is breastfeeding Londyn and is cuddling with Maya in their bed,

Maya: I love you so much!
Carina: I love you more than words can ever explain... to the moon and back forever and always!
Maya: I know, thank youuu for taking me back into your life, now we have a beautiful family, I wouldn't have any other way
Carina: hrmmmmk ! Me either Bambina!

** Carina kisses Maya several times and she's about to fall asleep while still breastfeeding, Maya comes and picks up a very very exhausted little princess and puts her in her toddler bed and comes back in bed with her wife **