Spitting Image • TFC 3.0 • l.t. au

Chapter Thirty Four

34

At around 2 in the morning, there are still people awake around us. I can hear their murmuring and laughs as they passed be our tent.
It finally fell silent at half past two and I got some sleep. Not as much sleep as I wanted because at 5 again I wasn't hearing people but seagulls.

"Meg..." I hear Louis' raspy voice in my ear. Though I'm not asleep, I keep my eyes closed in hopes that I could fall asleep.

"Hmmm..." I made a sound.

"Are you awake?" He asks. I turned to face him and opened my eyes.

"Good morning." I say sleepily.

The reason why he woke me up at 5 in the morning was for us to go for a walk along the seashore. He checked on the kids and told me Blaine's wide awake and asked him to watch over his siblings.

It was very quiet between us. The only sound was the crashing of waves and those of the seagulls above us. It's a great weather, one you don't have often in London. The sun's just rising in the horizon, giving the sky a beautiful colourful glow.

Then I look back to that night 16 years ago. That very specific night I just shared to my children last night, when I attempted to end my life and left everyone I loved. I would have missed out on life massively.

If that was the end of me then I wouldn't, obviously, be stood on this very beach watching the sun rise for another day. Yet here I am, walking alone the shore watching the sun come out for another day. Another chance.

"You're so deep in your thoughts again." Louis says. "Would you like to share them?" He asks.

I smile up and shake my head. "I was remembering something. It's not a big deal."

Unconsciously, I rub at the faint scars on my wrist that would never come off. Louis takes notice of this and takes my hand, pushing my sleeves out of the way and rubs his finger on the scar.

I take a sharp breath and felt a sharp pain in my chest. Suddenly I remember that I felt the same pain in my chest when the blade cut deep into my skin but the blade in my own flesh felt numb. It was unusual to have something in my body, yes, but I didn't feel anything else but discomfort. Although a very vague moment before I lost consciousness, I heard my heartbeat in my ears. It was weird because it was out of beat and immediately I realised I've done something terrible to myself and everyone around me.

"Does this still matter?" He asks me but he's not looking at me. He's looking down at the scar.

I pull my hand away and covered it with my sleeves, shaking my head. "I was so determined to die that night but, you know what?" I ask, catching his attention and he's now looking at me. "I'm glad I survived."

I hear him take a sharp breath. He closes his eyes and I saw his jaw clench. He's shutting me out. I stand on my toes and press my lips on his, wrapping my arm around him.

He pulls away and kisses my forehead. "I'm more than glad you survived." He says.

That morning, we packed up our tents and head to a new location. We left the coastal area to drive up north to a forest campsite, The Forest of Dean in Gloucester. We stopped at a diner for lunch and reroute our journey to get there by sunset.

There were lots of stops on the way, potty breaks mostly and Seth getting car sick. Until, finally, at 5pm, we arrived at the Forest of Dean. We pitched our tents near the lakeside along with about a dozen of other families. We already got dinner at a nearby convenience story, hotdog and bread mostly. All we have to do is roast the hotdog in open fire for a full camping experience since last night we had McDonald's.