Loki and Tom

The moody one

The three of you just stand letting the shower run over your aching limbs enjoying the warmth and being close. Turning to Loki you ask "tired?" You've noticed he's been more quiet and almost distant. Loki just nods holding himself against the wall. An overwhelming weary feeling has come over him walking to the shower. It's if all the air in his lungs left him.

He's thinking of his high hopes of being accepted and perhaps even loved by Tom and you. It's been an intense time and he realise that he put a whole lot more of himself into this than he originally intended or expected for that matter. He didn't expect it to be so personal. He just wanted... and had an idea of what he could, perhaps... What did he think...What am I even doing, where can this lead... What am I hoping for...

Loki gets ashamed of himself, thinking he's asking too much of you. And the way he acted out in telling his fantasy. Loki swallows pathetic Suddenly he feels vulnerable exposing himself too much and letting his guard down for the possibility to belong. I'm so needy Loki gets embarrassed by his strong thoughts and emotions making him turn away from you and Tom. He needs to shield himself from the overwhelming feelings that's coming over him.

The thing is, Loki's overcome by the feeling of belong, to be in the right place for once. They do like me... He's suddenly ashamed of himself and for trying so hard to get a place by your side. And then it suddenly scares him. It can't possibly last Loki's so used to getting rejected or fixing that himself that he really can't see things for what they are. They're soon going to discover that I'm not someone who you could love He bites his lip in distress and continues going down the rabbit hole of self pity and sadness.

You look again at Loki feeling his sudden change in mood that's visible all over his appearance and being turned into the wall. It's like he's gone into himself. He sort of hangs his shoulders and head like he's dwelling on something bad. You motion to Tom with a nod to grab the soap lathering your hands. Both you and Tom kneel behind Loki beginning to lather his feet and up his legs wanting him to feel your love and caring hands on his body. Loki reacts with being tense having difficulties to grasp what's happening.

He draws for breath but doesn't say anything. It feels good, but he's not ready to respond. His throat is choked up by the twirling feelings of not being enough, and not ever being wanted. Tom and you keep going up over Loki's bum and back massaging him with long smooth strokes in hope of bringing him back to you. You enjoy the feeling of his lean body under your hands. Loki's beginning to relax due to your attention and determined hands at his body.

Standing up massaging his shoulders and arms you say "are you a difficult man to live with Loki?" He looks down biting his lip before saying "mmm, I don't know, probably" He's not sure how to respond, but don't want to be lying. He still feels like this could be his chance. "What happened just now Loki? Any regrets about being here?" Loki turns around abruptly saying "no, absolutely not" You raise an eyebrow saying "what then? Self pitying are we?"

Loki hangs his head saying "I guess" "Ok, so turn to the wall again and soak into it and be done with it." Loki looks a bit confused at your response and looks at Tom who's shrugging his shoulders. "Cmon" you urge him again "turn around, do your sulking and let us continue". He slowly turns around having a hard time coping with all that's bubbling up in him. "Good, don't let us disturb your mood" you say nodding to Tom to continue. He nods and smiles.

You and Tom get your hands at Loki's shoulders again. "He feels good though" Tom says making Loki do a little noise of amusement. You grin "I know, right. Shall we tuck you in Loki?" He turns off the shower as an answer. You get towels for Tom and you to dry Loki off who's standing still awaiting your next move. He's tired and full of his mixed emotions. He doesn't really know how to act or think. It feels good to let you go on and take care of him. When you're all dry you and Tom grab Loki's hands heading to the bedroom making sure he's in the middle of the bed. You both know that Loki likes to be surrounded by you.